Good Morning

These Thoughts

She thinks about it constantly – when she's taking a shower, when she's cooking dinner, when she's reading a book, when she's watching television, when she's brushing her teeth, when she's falling asleep, when she's waking up. She thinks about it whenever she wants to see him, whenever she wants to tell him that she loves him, whenever she wants to touch him, whenever she wants to hold him, whenever she wants to be held by him.

It's ridiculous, how quickly she's fallen so hard for him, because there's just something about him that makes her feel like she's never felt before. Something about the way he smiles at her, something about the way he speaks to her, something about the way he laughs at her jokes, something about the way he touches her, something about the way he holds her, something about the way he kisses her. It's stupid, really, that she should fall for someone this fast, especially considering everything else that's happening in her life right now. But it's happened, and it's over, and she can't imagine ever wanting anything different.

She's so smitten it's borderline ridiculous, but she supposes that's how crushes work. Massive infatuation devoid of logic or reason. That was what she had told Mia, her old friend from Ignacia, earlier today, after they had caught up with each other on their respective days off – though admittedly, Nya hadn't needed to use many words; a simple grin from Jay had been enough to make her heart thump louder than any volume dial could manage.

"Sounds like love," Mia had mused knowingly, looking entirely unsurprised by the news. "Not that I blame you."

"I don't even know if we're dating," Nya had insisted, tugging at a loose strand of hair and forcing herself not to blush. She didn't want to admit how quickly she had jumped into this thing with Jay, as much as she wanted to keep it private. After all, they were still young, and there was plenty of time for them to figure out exactly what they were doing before jumping headlong into an official relationship.

"Well, do you wanna be?" Mia had replied pointedly, leaning back against the cushions of her sofa.

Nya had blinked at her in silence for a moment, chewing on her lip. The air-conditioner hummed away behind her.

"Yeah," she had finally murmured, blushing furiously now. "I think I do."

Mia had smiled sympathetically. "It happens to the best of us, girl. You can't control who you fall for."

She knows that – or, at least, she used to. But something about having met Jay makes her feel so unlike herself, like she's losing pieces of herself every second she spends with him. And yet, somehow, she doesn't mind it one bit.

***

The thing is, though, Nya has never really been good at feelings. In fact, she thinks she may have spent most of her life pretending not to have any.

Feelings are messy, complicated, uncertain; they hurt when you need them to and don't when you want them to. They make your chest ache and your stomach drop and your head spin and your blood boil and your heart sink and your hands tremble and your voice choke up and your eyes water and your breath quicken and your pulse race and your thoughts run rampant and your fingers go numb. It's just too much, sometimes.

So many sensations all at once, so many emotions tangled together in the same jumble of feeling – how could anyone ever keep track? How could anyone ever take control over their own body like this?

Nya prefers things simple. Her job as a Samurai is simple: defend Ninjago from attack, train with the others, save the day. The only thing that isn't simple about her job is Jay, but even he falls into an uncomplicated sort of category. He's fun and energetic and charming and sweet and clever and funny and handsom and everything she wants him to be. She doesn't want more than that.