Good Morning

Thirtieth Morning

Sunlight creeps across her face in little, languid rays that have her stirring before she can think to wake up. The smell of salt and something crisp is the first thing that she registers, the second is the feel of her nose pressed against fabric and the gentle rise and fall of a chest that wasn't her own. She opens her eyes only to snap them shut in an instant. Her heart is in her throat and there are no words she can possibly string together to make the situation better, and it was her own damn fault too.

He had to be awake by now, and all she can do is wait and see.

His breathing hasn't changed, and his heart is beating evenly under her ear. She can still feel his fingers threaded in her hair, and the other hand is curled against her shoulder blade. She's not even sure when his hand wandered there. It's all a bit disconcerting, but his body is warm and solid and there's really nothing else she can do except pull away, but even then it might not even work. She tries not to dwell on it, but she can't help wondering how she'll feel when he lets go, because it's coming, and it will inevitably happen.

She's not prepared for it.

He's a little too close when his eyes finally do open. His lips are a hair's width away, and all she can focus on is the way his lashes look fanned across his cheekbones and the way he breathes her name into the space between them. It's not fair, and it makes her head swim and her pulse jump.

She wants to say something.

He beats her to it.

"Hey," he whispers.

She smiles, and hopes that it will convey everything that her tongue cannot. "Hi."

She doesn't remember ever moving her hand, but it's resting gently on his cheek, and it's too late to pull away.

"Are you feeling better?" She tries not to look at his lips.

"I'm not sure," he answers truthfully.

It's enough for her, and she's about to move, and try to make sense of it all, but his hand is keeping her there, and she can't seem to find a reason why she wants to leave.

"Nya, you're gonna have to make a decision."

"About what?"

He shakes his head, a small laugh bubbling past his lips, and all she can focus on is the way it feels vibrating through her chest and her spine.

"You're impossible."

"And you're frustrating," she replies, because it's true. He's impossible, and she can't decide whether or not she likes it. They hadn't meant to fall asleep together, but everything has been a whirlwind of disasters and emotions, not to mention a deranged jinn chasing after them. So maybe they stayed up too late talking about everything and nothing, avoiding the real conversation to be had about their relationship. Maybe it was nice to not think about the world ending and for once just be confused young adults without a care in the world.

"So we're done here?" he asks.

"Are we?" She's not sure how to answer him.

"No."

And his lips are a breath away from hers, and her thumb is tracing the curve of his cheekbone and he's a lot of things she's not used to and can't explain, but she doesn't have to.

"Jay, I—," she starts, and his name feels a lot more like home and less like a problem.

"Yeah, I know."

It's a whisper and then he's kissing her, and he's the best kind of problem that she's willing to have.

He's warm, and she's smiling and laughing into the kiss. It's perfect, and it's not supposed to be, but it is. He is, and maybe she is too.

"How about now?" he breathes against her lips.

"Much better," she replies and kisses him again.

The old mattress of the lighthouse creaks beneath them as the waves lap against the rocky shoreline. Seagulls screech their song, and the sun is high in the sky, but there's nowhere else she'd rather be. Not when he's kissing her like his life depends on it and she's sure she can feel his heartbeat drumming wildly against his ribcage.

"You make it hard not to," she tells him, and he knows what she means.

And he's grinning against her lips, and he's pulling her closer and she thinks that maybe she was right all along. Maybe she had already fallen a long time ago. It just took some time to realize it.

And that scares her to her core. All this time, she had been pushing him away, while her heart had already decided to take the plunge. She doesn't think she'll ever understand, but she thinks maybe she doesn't need to.

She loves him. And that's the one thing that she knows for certain.

It's terrifying, and exciting, and her heart feels full to the brim and ready to burst. She can feel it. She can feel it in the way his thumb sweeps across her jawline. She can feel it in the way he laughs as they break apart and press their foreheads together. She can feel it in his kiss, and she knows he can feel it in hers.

And suddenly, the fear that had plagued her the night before was no more. Everything felt right, and in place. He felt right, and everything felt in place.

The future was uncertain, but for once, she didn't mind. Because she had him, and he had her.
And for now, that was all that mattered.