Good Morning

Thirty-seventh Morning

They don't talk about it. It goes unsaid that they will never mention how he wakes up to her practically sprawled on top of him and his cheeks are flushed so red that his freckles are barely noticeable. He doesn't even know what to do or how to react besides looking surprised and panicked at the same time. It's almost comical. It should be a joke, but she's too embarrassed to laugh or even acknowledge that it ever happened.

They both get scolded for it later though. She gets lectured on the fact that she should be resting and that he shouldn't be walking around on his own at all. They got their butts handed to them on a mission, all banged up then cuddled together because neither of them could sleep. Or maybe they were using it as an excuse because neither of them was ready to talk about a certain deranged, lovestruck jinn that flipped their world upside down.

She walks out of Sensei Wu's tea room with a frown and a hum that she hopes will drown out the image of Jay still wrapped in gauze and looking mortified.

"So, how'd you sleep?" he asks her in passing.

She feels her insides twist uncomfortably. "Great."

It sounds more like a question than a statement.

He nods though. His smile is kind of crooked and stupid. It makes her wonder how she fell asleep so easily next to him.

"Well, I hope you have a better day, Nya," he tells her.

And she doesn't bother to ask him about how he slept too. She just tells herself that it's for the better.

She tries to pretend that it didn't happen, but it happens again.

It happens when she has trouble sleeping a week after, and it seems that she always ends up at his door.

He doesn't question it, doesn't say a word about how they wake up even closer than before. She doesn't even have the chance to open her mouth before he's already shuffling out of bed, and mumbling some half ass excuse about needing to wash up. She leaves shortly after that, but not before she notices how he never looks back at her. He just moves with a purpose that she doesn't understand.

It happens again and again and again until she stops counting, and she actually knows what it feels like to wake up with a little more clarity than the day before.

She likes it better that way, with how he's decided to stop talking to her outside of missions and practice. They're usually done in silence. There are no jokes and no jabs at each other that make it a little too easy to laugh. She can see it in the way he interacts with everyone else though. He's still the same loud mouthed Jay she remembers being introduced to. But something feels wrong about that. Something is definitely off, but she never has the courage to bring it up. She figures it's for the best. This was working out anyway. She was sleeping better, and that meant better focus on missions and a greater outlook on life.

He starts talking to her again though, and it comes out of nowhere. She thinks it has something to do with the fact that it's late and he caught her knocking on his door.

"Did you have trouble sleeping?" he asks her, and he looks exhausted from a long day of training.

She just nods, and lets herself inside. It feels like second nature to settle on the right side of the bed, and wait for him to turn off the lights. She feels the mattress shift with his added weight, but she never feels him like she used to.

"Jay?" she asks quietly, and it almost sounds like she's afraid to ask anything at all.

"Yeah?"

"How do you sleep?" She pauses. "I mean, do you ever have trouble sleeping?"

He takes a deep breath and expels it slowly. "Sometimes, yeah. I think we all do, but it's nothing serious. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious," she lies.

And she waits for a response, but he never really gives her one.

He turns on his side to face away from her, and she decides that maybe it's time to go to sleep. She wonders why he never asks her any questions of his own.

When she wakes up, he's gone. She finds him sitting by himself on the deck of the Bounty, and it's like she can hear how much his lungs are expanding with every intake of air. It reminds her that he's alive, and that's enough for her.

"Mind if I join you?" she asks while taking a seat next to him, and letting her legs dangle over the edge.

He just shakes his head and smiles in return.

"How long have you been awake?" she asks him.

"A while, I guess. Didn't want to wake you."

She nods her head. "Thanks for that, by the way."

He hums.

They don't really talk anymore after that. All she knows is that he's keeping her company when she needs it the most. It makes her wonder whether he's okay with this arrangement. She wouldn't mind stopping altogether. Maybe it would be good for the both of them. Sleeping alone has never sounded so appealing as it does now, but she stays silent because she sees it in the way that he leans into her presence just as much as she does his.

It becomes routine eventually, but she finally works up the nerve to ask him another question.

"Do you ever think about how it used to be?" she inquires softly.

He laughs then, and it's not forced or painful sounding like it's been for the past few weeks. It's almost as if he's been waiting for this conversation.

"Sometimes, yeah," he says. "I mean, I'm pretty sure we've all changed since then. I'm sure it's for the better."

She agrees, but she's not so sure what to say after that.

"What about you? Do you think about it?" he returns the question.

"Not really. I think I try not to. It helps me sleep better."

He nods, and they fall back into silence again.
This time it's different though because it feels like there are so many things they want to say, but they can't find the words to speak them. She thinks she finds them though when she notices how he's staring straight ahead instead of looking over the vast ocean like she is.

"Are you okay?" she asks him, and it comes out sounding so desperate that she regrets it as soon as it spills past her lips.

He blinks a few times, but he doesn't look back at her. He just keeps watching the clouds, and how they are slowly being painted in pink and orange hues.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me," he tells her with a slight wave of his hand.

She wants to say that she always worries about him, and that it's hard not to when he's wrapped in bandages and bleeding. But she holds back because he wouldn't understand why.

"Good. That's all I needed to know," she says instead.

She never really sleeps well that night, but it's not because she's having trouble. It's more along the lines of how she never got around to asking him about how he slept. She's too scared to ask him about it now. She feels like she's missing something, but she doesn't want to pry.

If there's one thing she learns from this it's that Jay is still very much an enigma, and they just need more time.