Chapter 1: Charlie's journey

751 11 22
                                    


Charlie's diary:

So... just here to do my weekly diary writing, cause as Geoff my therapist says: "Writing is a way to free yourself, and putting your thoughts, emotions and feelings into words is a really healing and effective way to happiness".

Wow, it's 9am and I'm already being so deep and nerdy... sorry.

Well, sorry not sorry, cause this is my diary so fuck it all.

Nick is the one with the dirty mouth sometimes, but why can't I be too? Maybe having a little brother and kind of strict parents is not the best environment if you wanna feel like a grown up bad boy.

Anyway, back to it.

I feel like I'm not the Charlie Spring I used to be. It's taken time, well, it still does, but I think it's all worth it. Not that I'll ever stop being this proper little gay nerd. But I've tried to turn it around and make it a strenght instead of a weakness.

It helps when Nick is literally obsessed with me, compliments me all the time and never stops being cheesy. It's still not easy for me to believe all the good things, but there's no deadline for being perfectly confident about yourself. Well, as if anybody could do that.

"They say perfection is a lie, but being by your side is the closest I'll get to that feeling". That's what he wrote me in a paper and left it on my school bag the other day.

"Nicholas Nelson, you are the cheesiest person I know", I told him later. And I'll keep on saying it cause I believe no one could beat him in that.

"It's my pleasure and duty as your boyfriend to embarrass you, and it's not my fault, you just make me do it unconsciously", he said.

I wonder if this honeymoon phase will end at some point. But I don't want it to. It still feels surreal to this day. 

If the young Charlie Spring saw me today... he believed someone could never truly accept him for being himself, he always felt ashamed and scared to do something that could annoy people and push them away, he convinced himself he was never going to be happy, that he was a burden and didn't matter to anyone. I wish I knew then what I know now.

But this is life I guess, so here I am.

Today is Sunday, so no classes at all. But tomorrow, I'm excited to wake up and see a message from MY BOYFRIEND (it still feels a bit overwhelming, but FUCKING HELL YES IF IT'S NOT TRUE) and message MY BOYFRIEND back, get ready for school and maybe listen to the song I'm obsessed with at the moment while sitting in the bus with Tori.

I FEEL LIKE IT'S PERFECTION AND SO NICK AND CHARLIE CODED!


"I don't really care if it nearly kills me

I'd give you the world if you asked me to

I could break a glass just to watch it shatter

I'd do anything just to feel with you"


"Charlie, come on, we're going to Grandma's"

"Okay, Tor, just finished doing my writing session"

"Well, hurry up then, Mom and Dad said we're living in a bit..."


"Charlieeee... can i read what you wrote?"

"Ollyyyy... this is personal, okay? How are you so energetic this early? God, to be a kid!"

"I'm not a kid anymore, dear big brother"

"Okay then, mr Spring, off you go, we gotta get ready now..."


When Tori and Olly leave me alone for a bit, I just sit in my bed and look through the window.

And I know.

I know everything's gonna be perfect.

Everything's Gonna Be Perfect - Nick & Charlie || Heartstopper 🌈❤️🍂Where stories live. Discover now