Book One: The Right Choice

Pain

Isabella's Pov

Warning!!! (Suicidal thoughts and actions!)

I was sitting in my room on the floor, back against my door. My tears slipped down my cheek slowly as I felt the trails stain my cheek with my tears. Life was cruel to everyone, one thing about life was choices. Some choices were rather easy such as, what you wanted to drink. But other choices not so much. Some choices such as the one I am being forced to choose can cause pain and loss. I never understood why this choice was so difficult for me. Hearing the shouting downstairs as My tears slipped down my cheeks more. My parents were arguing over what choice I should make. I know they wanted what was best for me but they don't want me to make any bad choices. The pack....The Cullen's I knew they were in the woods listening, because of Victoria somewhere out there wanting to harm me. This decision wasn't just Edward and Jacob....No this was the pack or the Cullen's I knew it.

 The pack wanted me to choose Jacob, the Cullen's wanted me to choose Edward. My mom wanted me to choose Edward, my dad wanting me to choose Jacob. I felt like a rock was pushing on my chest, I felt so out of place. It wasn't fair none of it was or ever will be. Not with me stuck between these two, I couldn't hurt anyone it was not fair to any of them. I have never felt so much pain then I do now. Every part of me wanted to just go to sleep and never wake up....It was hard I know I should not feel this way or people think it wasn't a big deal. But choosing between Edward and Jacob was choosing one and letting the other go out of my life. Not one of them would stay if I choose the other. With my parent's they didn't understand it was generally only my choice. No matter how loud my music was I could still hear them arguing. I was even starting to think that I should have never came to this town. 

It felt like I couldn't breathe anymore my tears kept falling faster and faster down my cheek. What did I do to deserve this pain? Was it something I said? Or something I did? I look over to my phone noticing texts from people, I leaned over grabbing my phone just staring at it and the few people texting me. I felt numb....More numb then I have ever felt. I felt so useless, to this whole situation. All my thoughts were all over the place, no matter how hard I tried pushing them aside. 'Your not good enough', 'You don't deserve any of them', 'Just let them all go', 'Just kill herself', 'Just cause yourself the pain you deserve'. My tears fall down my cheek faster, barley being able to see anything. My vision starts to get blurry as I make my way to my desk, looking around for something sharp. Finally spotting my scissors I slowly reach my hand out slowly picking them up. Making my way to door locking it so no one could come inside. I turn my music up higher as I slide down back onto the floor. Looking back at my phone, I knew I wasn't worth it causing all these problems. The pack would be better off without me, so would the Cullen's.

 I look down to my wrist slowly bringing the scissors to my wrist as I press one side of them down slowly but adding pressure to it cutting into my wrist letting the scissors go after a few cuts. Letting go I watch the blood slowly trickle down my wrist, flinching as the pain becomes more present to me. 'you deserve this you stupid slut', 'You did this to yourself it's punishment', 'You caused these problems you fat ugly bitch', I knew the voices were right. It still hurt to think these things, why did I have to be so useless. I caused these innocent people pain, I did all this. I deserve all this pain and punishment. I lay against my bed listening to my music as I feel my blood keep slipping out of my wrist. I slowly breathe looking up at the ceiling crying more as my eyes become more blurry by the second. 'Take it in you stupid bitch', 'This is a rightful punishment you know it', 'You ugly bitch you deserve to die.' 

I look back down at my wrists grabbing the scissors again digging one side into my other wrist as I flinch in pain letting the scissors fall to the ground. I try to wipe my tears as I watch the blood spill onto my floor. I did this I need the punishment, I won't do it again I promise. No more causing pain to people. 'Liar your such a liar you whore', 'They deserve better then some pathetic girl'. My tears pile up again causing my eyes to get blurry again. The world was cruel, I knew this. People needed punishments for things they do wrong. I deserved a punishment, a hard one this one was just more fitting then anything else. I started to drift from reality as the music sets into my mind I flinch as I hear more screaming. But a voice I didn't think I would ever hear again coming closer to my door screaming loudly at my parents. I try to move from my thoughts so I can hear better but the thoughts got louder.

"Izzy!!!"

I hear the person bang on the door, trying to open it.

"God dammit Izzy open this fucking door! Please fucking open it for me."

I hear the door bang more and more as it was then I realize he was trying to bust down the door then I heard more voices.

"What are you doing obviously she wants space."

"Fuck off Renee, you have done enough. You called me to come down here to talk to her and you all are making everything worse for her!!!!"

I hear them talk more for just a second then another bang at the door then one after the other the banging got louder as he screamed more.

"Izzy come on fucking open the door, I know it is hard I know how you feel trust me. Please just open the damn door."

There was a silent pause.

"Izzy if your by the door and can't get up try and move away from the door the best you can."

I heard another pause. Then someone ramming into the door multiple times before It busts open some of the door coming off as I heard my mom and dad gasp. Looking over to them I see the one person I haven't seen for awhile with tears in his eyes he pushes my mom and dad out of the way. Picking me up grabbing the first aid kit taking me outside away from my parents setting me in my backyard wrapping my cuts. His tears start falling as he shakes his head.

"God dammit Izzy don't fucking try this shit again, I cant and won't loose you."

After he carefully wrapped my cuts he pulled his jacket over me pulling me into him shaking his head as he wipes his tears looking to the back door.

"Leave us, Renee you wanted my help if you want it you and Charlie need to give us some time alone."

After a minute of silence I knew they went back into the house he pulls me away. He looks at my eyes wiping my tears away softly shaking his head. 

"Explain, I don't care how long it takes. I heard some of it from your mom and dad but I want to know what your thinking sweet angel."