The Great War.

V

"Midnight Secrecy."

Some days my problems can't follow me all the way up to my dreams, and I sleep comfortably with no worries haunting me.I wonder if this is what it feels like to be dead, and if so, the idea doesn't sound bad at all.

I've never had problems with nightmares, but my mind has a very particular way of letting me know that things are not right.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with my body drenched in sweat, my hair stuck to my face, unable to scream or move, my heart beating so hard that I feel it pounding in my chest, and the paranoia taking over my mind.

The only thing I can do on those occasions is repeat to myself over and over again that the silhouettes I see crippling through the shadows are not real. But unfortunately, this is one of those nights.

I wake abruptly and manage to take one last deep breath before being trapped inside my own body. I have no reason to keep my eyes open because the room is absolutely dark, and I feel safer in my own mind anyway.

I don't even try to move because I know that I won't be able to do it. I've been through this so many times that I know that fighting it will only makes it worse. I keep on repeating to myself that everything will be over soon and that I'm completely safe, at least for now. But I don't buy my own bullshit; I feel trapped in my own body, and it's terrifying.

I regain mobility gradually, and I focus on my breathing when I can control it again. I count to ten while I inhale and exhale slowly in an attempt to calm myself down. When I am able to sit up in bed, I blindly search for a way to turn on the lights. I feel really dizzy, and the fact that I can't see anything at all makes me nauseous.

When I'm finally able to switch on the lights, I get struck by the most unpleaseant surprise of my life: Cato stands at the foot of the bed with no expression on his face. For a moment, I think that it's part of the hallucinations, but it becomes more real with each passing second. I blink several times, trying to erase that horrible image, but it doesn't work. My first reaction is to throw the small remote, which I had left on the side of my pillow, directly at his head. I jump out of the bed and get ready to fight almost immediately.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" I ask ragefully while slowly approaching the door to make sure that it isn't locked. "Fuck it! Say something!"

"Calm down," he chuckles. "I wanted to get back at you for our little train situation, but I can see that nothing surprises you."

He bends down to pick up the remote that had ended on the ground and changes the projection of the window to a rainy forest, then he sits on the bed as if we were lifelong friends.

"How do you want me to calm down when you break into my room like this?" I am almost yelling. "You have five seconds to get out of here with your dignity untouched."

I hope that my threat works because, without weapons, my only option for getting rid of Cato is to wake up everyone on the entire floor and have someone else get him out of here for me. I'm at a disadvantage, and everyone can see it. He gets up and walks slowly towards me with his arms crossed over his chest, and when we're facing each other, he sighs heavily.

"This is embarrassing," he mumbles drawlingly. "I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you."

He avoids eye contact while talking, and that says a lot about his discomfort with the situation. He stares at the door for a couple of seconds before turning his back on me, then walks to the large window and sits on the floor in front of it.

"I wanted to talk about this on the train, but I didn't know how to do it, so I changed the subject as soon as I could," he says, still turning his back on me. "Then we got into that weird situation, and I just missed out."