•ALEXITHYMIA• [SLOW UPDATES]

Chapter 7

It's been a few days since I went shopping with Eros and the others. It's Saturday now, and today is the day I wear my hearing aids and spy on them for as long as I can.

The past few days have been quite boring. I hung out with Luca like twice, and the rest of the time I stayed in my room. I've also been in a bitchy mood these past few days, and I'm pretty sure they can see that. I've never been separated from Ambrose for longer than like a week, and even then it wasn't by choice. It was always us two.

I went from a few hours of sleep to pretty much staying up all night, only falling asleep til I'm on the verge of passing out. I've had to calm myself down a few times before I sent myself into a panic attack, but thankfully none of that happened around my brothers.

With that said, I cannot wait until Monday. Not for school, but because Ambrose will be there with me. It's currently 6:23am and I just finished showering. I took my time getting ready, drying myself and putting lotion because I was in the mood. I don't actually have a skin care routine or anything like that. If I see a pimple on my face I just put a little baby oil and it goes away the next day. Even then, it's actually rare for me to get pimples, my skin has always been naturally clear of anything.

I do however have scars. A shit ton of scars. Some of them are hard to see if I'm not in the right lighting, some are very clearly there. The most prominent one being the one on my collar bone, just less than two inches long. It's long faded, but the skin was left a lighter shade than the rest of my slightly tanned skin.

The scars on my back are faded as well, hard to see when I'm not under direct lighting. If I was, people would be horrified at the sight. I had whip marks, lines that overlapped each other, circles from burnt out cigarettes, and the word 'mistake' carved on my back. On my mid lower stomach I had the word 'worthless' carved, along with plenty of other scars from the years of abuse I survived.

My legs had scars littered every here and there as well. Most of my scars were on the upper half of my body though.

I brought my hand up to touch the scar on my collar bone, grimacing at the memory of how I got it. Clearing my head of the memory, I finished what I had to do before making my way out the bathroom, heading to my closet and picking a plain long sleeve green top and black shorts. I don't plan on going out today, so why bother dressing up. I dug through my bag that I hid under my bed, quickly finding my hearing aids before shoving my bag back under the bed. I stood, jumping onto my bed and sending a quick text to Ambrose to see if he was awake. I used the camera on my phone after letting my hair down to see if you could see that I was wearing hearing aids and smiled when I saw that I was successful in hiding them. I adjusted them a bit before checking the time and deciding to head to breakfast. It was now 7:25, and I felt like eating fruit for breakfast.

I skipped steps as I descended the stairs, jumping off the last three and landing before making may way to the kitchen. There, Adonis and Eros sat chatting and drinking coffee. Adonis spotted me and and signed, Breakfast?

I nodded, and went towards the fridge. Adonis watched me curiously and I paid no mind to him as I pulled out different fruits I would make into a fruit salad. I got strawberries, blueberries, mango, grapes, and oranges. I got out a bowl from where I saw Rome get one when he was getting cereal yesterday. I got out a knife after rinsing the fruits and Adonis seemed to get what I was doing, reaching into a cabinet and getting the chopping board for me to cut the fruits before sitting back down with his coffee. They were both watching me carefully, not even bothering to hide the fact that they were staring.

I continued making my breakfast and cutting the fruits, all except for the grapes and berries, and placing them in the bowl. Adonis got my attention, holding up a peach, indicating that I should add it to my fruit salad. I shook my head no and continued with what I was doing. Eventually they stopped staring at me and went back to speaking with each other, glancing at me every now and then. Afterwards, I cleaned up my mess, throwing away the peels and scraps before sitting down a few seats away from Adonis and Eros, purposely leaving a few seats empty to leave space between us. I ate and texted Ambrose under the table, hiding my phone from their view. I was also eavesdropping on their conversation, pretending to be in my own little world.