•ALEXITHYMIA• [SLOW UPDATES]

Chapter 12

‼️MENTIONS OF SUICIDE & SELF HARM‼️

After I finished telling them how shitty they are at being brothers, they all fell silent. Maybe I went a bit too far, but I didn't care. Had they not been her brothers, they'd have been dead the moment they caused her to have that panic attack.

I knew they were all shocked at my outburst, but I paid no mind to them as I continued eating. I hope they're all realizing how shitty they've been. None of them spoke a word, it wasn't like I didn't expect it though, because what could they have possibly have said in response?

Pushing my chair back, I stood up, getting ready to leave. I hadn't finish eating but I didn't care anymore. "Where you going?" Luca asked. "I gotta go before she wakes up and realizes I'm gone." I said in a much calmer tone than before since Luca was actually pretty nice. Before I left, I paused. "Look, I know that some of y'all are actually trying, but the for the ones that aren't, don't expect to call yourself her brother." I said and turned to the eldest three, Sebastian, Adonis, and Eros. "Take it slow." I said before leaving.

I went back upstairs to Abella's room, laying down beside her.

I can't imagine how she feels. Abella is the strongest person I know. But despite that, I still can't help but feel worried for her. Even if she's about 2 months clean, I know that she can't possibly take any more pain than she's already endured. She always pushes herself to the limit, always pushes herself to the limit and then some more. And I don't think she can survive that again.

Every time you think about suicide, it comes across as nothing, just a random word. Suicide. But then you think of what it means, what it stands for. To kill yourself. And then I think about Abella. She committed suicide. Well, she tried to commit suicide.

People say 'she committed suicide' or 'he committed suicide' or 'they committed suicide' and make it sound like they committed a crime. I, better than anyone else, understand Abella's reason as to why she would want to end her life. She's in pain. Still, I can't help but feel selfish for my refusal to let her go. I don't want her to leave. If she dies, I die. Same for her. Along with feeling selfish for not wanting her to leave, there's also a subtle feeling of anger. And I know it's wrong to feel this but she didn't say goodbye. We promised that if anything happened to each other, we would say goodbye. She didn't though. She just left. She tried to leave without saying goodbye. I still remember the day I found her. She thought I wasn't home.

"Peach! I'm home!" I closed the door behind me and it locked automatically. Perks of having money. Plus we kinda need to have the extra security.

"Peach?" I called out when she didn't respond. I rolled my eyes, making my way to the bed room. This girl sleeps more than a baby, and that's saying a lot. She really loves her sleep. "Peach?" I pushed the door to her room open. Her bed was messy and unmade but she wasn't there.

Did she go out while I was gone?

I pulled out my phone and called her. As soon as I pressed call I head her familiar ringtone echo throughout the room. I followed it to the bathroom, where the door was shut.

"Peach?" I called through the door. I knew better than to barge in on her using the bathroom. I knocked and called her name once again. "Peach you good? Why aren't you answering me?" I called again.

"Can I come in?" I asked. No response.

"I'm coming in Peach." I yelled so she could hear me before opening the door slowly.

I opened the door about halfway before something stopped me.

I looked down and I felt my heart drop.