He kissed her. No, she kissed him. He kissed him first and she... well, she kissed him back. But that didn't mean she wanted to kiss him, that was merely a first reaction. A stupid first reaction. But she liked it. But it was wrong, utterly wrong! Frida groaned as she tightened her grip around the scissors to the point of hurting herself, her hand ached and, from her kneeling position, she dropped the object to the grass.
To say she was confused was short. Actually, her head was a complete, perfect mess. It'd been so since Benny had the audacity to kiss her... Goddamn, he kissed her! He did it, and that put her upside down.
She could barely remember the way back to her house, each inch of her body trapped in the sensation of his lips against her lips, of his hands caressing her skin, of his breath gently hitting her face. She drove almost desperately, as if trying to escape that moment, a moment indelibly printed on her stubborn brain. And when she finally managed to bring a coherent through it was "why?". Why did it happen? Why did he kiss her? Why did she respond? She spent the entire afternoon tormenting herself with the same questions, but the deeper she analyzed it the worse she felt. Because she kissed a man who was not her husband, and because she liked it. All night she dreamt of him. All night she thought of him. All night she felt his lips on hers. And she liked it, but she hated it. That simply could not be. No. She was married. And that multiplied her frustration to a thousand.
This morning she had breakfast alone once Henry left. The last she wanted was to bear with him, their situation hadn't improved and right at this moment something else occupied her mind which bothered her, because her attention should be driven to her marriage not to a shared kiss with her friend that, for the record, she enjoyed. She'd be damned if she didn't recognize it, but to recognize it was also torturing. Accepting that she liked his touch opened a window to a bright place where she could breathe fresh air, a place she found comfort but that scared her as well, because she felt undeserving and chained. That place was forbidden, as much tempting as it could seem, that was forbidden ground because she was a married woman.
Frida fell over her ankles and angrily took her red gloves off, throwing them to the grass together with the scissors. Life was playing with her; first her marriage and now a man, as if dealing with one wasn't enough. However, despite the chaos, she found light. Benny was a revelation to her in all aspects, she felt attached to him in a mysterious and authentic way. The way she responded near him was not normal, and she noticed it since day one, yet she ignored, but now that he kissed her... that was the main puzzle piece. It finally fall into place. Frida closed her eyes and met him in that brief darkness; face to face, lips to lips. Frida brought her fingers to her lips and gently touched them, she held her breath as she recalled the moment he joined their mouths, the moment he took that step for both of them. Because, even if it was beyond wrong and hard to accept, she was looking forward to it. She wanted his acceptance, but not simple acceptance; She wanted him to see her as a woman, that's why she became so angry when he didn't respond as she expected because... because... she liked him. She liked Benny.
You, idiot! She internally scolded herself.
Frida grimaced, disgusted at herself. She liked Benny, he made every single cell of her body dance, he made her feel endless sensations with only one look, not to mention the emotional support he represented. He was her friend, yeah, but he looked like the ideal man and she was enchanted by his persona. He had the ability of improving her mood, of bringing out the best of her, of making her see things differently. He was the very first person in years that truly made her feel like someone, and she couldn't ignore those feelings, but she had to. Why? She was married.
Frida looked down at her joined hands over her lap and played with her wedding ring; she wasn't a cheater, she couldn't do that to Henry, but not even Henry was able to bring butterflies to her stomach like Benny, or make her laugh like Benny. "Stop," she muttered through clenched teeth. That was unfair. Even if she liked Benny and he reciprocated, her path was beside Henry, that's it. However, it squeezed her heart, because that would mean having to put distance between Benny and her. She wouldn't risk her marriage for an affair, but also— her marriage was already damaged.
