Hidden Feelings

Chapter 5: Contemplation

First was sitting with his arms crossed and his head tilting slightly to the right. His eyebrows furrowed with confusion as he looked across at the two figures sitting in front of him. One of the individuals, in particular, appeared especially odd.

"Y'know, Louis...when I asked if you had time to chat with me, I was hoping that we could be alone." First said.

"Sorry, P'First. The moment he heard we were going out to eat, he immediately wanted to join us." Louis apologized for the sudden change in plans.

"Ip ipossble chu deny a tsy mul." (it's impossible to deny a tasty meal). Neo said, attempting to swallow his food innocently.

"Anyways, what's going on? Have things gotten better with you and your crush?" Louis asked.

"That's actually why I called you today. The situation with the person I like—" First was about to explain in detail about his recent issue until he was suddenly interrupted by a...

*CRUNCH*

Both First and Louis's attention swung to their hungry friend, Neo.

"Sorry! Um...I'm just going to put this down now." It finally clicked in Neo's mind how serious the circumstances were considering the look of concern on both of his friend's faces. He placed the sandwich that he was munching on a few moments ago, on his plate and focused his attention back to the conversation.

"As I was saying...the situation with the person I like...got worse." First shyly announced. He then went on to describe in detail the events that occurred leading up to his current situation without giving away the name of the other person.

"Wow. That does seem a bit...intense." Neo responded.

"It's just that...I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm in love with him but I feel responsible for preventing him from confessing his feelings to the person he likes." First shakily stated.

"Phi, that's not your fault. You were being honest about yourself. It's now his turn to figure out how to respond to your confession and be honest with his own feelings." Louis said, trying his best to comfort First.

"You know what you could do?" Neo suddenly interjected.

"What?" replied First. His posture immediately changed from slumped and gloomy to wide-eyed and intrigued.

Neo was sitting across from First and tried inching his face closer. He held his right hand to the side of his face to cover what he was about to say from the surrounding people dining in the restaurant. "They say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. In other words...if you want to stop these feelings from ruining your friendship with this person, then you'll need to give yourself a reason to forget them."

Neo's idea was both stupid yet logical. On the one hand, he could potentially fall in love with someone who actually saw him as a romantic partner. On the other hand, he could end up hurting himself by getting rejected again. Or worse, the other person will get hurt if First fails to forget his feelings for Khao. Either way, the outcome was just too unpredictable.

"I don't know, man. There's a potential for more heart break to come. Also, I don't think I could find someone to date quick enough to eliminate my feelings." First says, worriedly.

"Well, I've got a friend who just recently went through a break up and she's feeling pretty lonely. Maybe both of you heartbroken fools can find comfort in each other, even if it just ends with you both becoming friends." Neo suggests.

"I'll have to think about it." First responded.

The three friends continued to talk about First's situation. After the long venting session, First began to somewhat feel better about his situation with Khao. While he still didn't know whether or not it would be a good idea to go on a date with Neo's heartbroken friend, he knew he needed to find a way to let go of these feelings, even if it meant distracting himself.

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First spent the next few days thinking over what he should do. He was still too scared to call Khao and finish their conversation from the week before. He was also unsure if he should take Neo's offer to court someone else despite his feelings. There were so many decisions he had to think about and it was becoming too overwhelming for him. Too much time has already gone by and First recognizes that he needs to do something soon before his relationship with Khao completely falls apart. However, in order to make a decision, First believed that he needed to get a drink so he climbed out of his bed and headed to his favorite milk tea shop. As he finally walked out of the shop with his drink, he contemplated his next move.

"To go on this weird blind date with Neo's heartbroken friend...or not? Wait...what am I saying? This is too strange. I can't just change my feelings...otherwise I'd stop liking...HIM." First was initially walking at a steady pace when two familiar individuals caught his attention, stopping him in his tracks. He was now standing outside of a popular gym that he and other GMMTV actors tended to use and was peering through a slightly opaque window. As he looked through the window, he saw two people in the back standing closely together. It took time for him to realize that the two individuals he was staring intensely at were Khao and Gun. They were working out together.

Watching the two playfully touching each other and laughing, ignited something inside of First. He recalled the number of times he had asked Khao if he'd like to workout with him, only to be rejected time and time again. Now, he was standing on the outside, seeing Khao happily exercising alongside Gun. It was painful. First angrily thought to himself, "so when I ask you to go to the gym with me...you're too busy? But when your crush asks, you're willing to bend your arms and legs to see him?!" First's emotions grew complicated. He felt betrayed that the person he wants to spend time with the most, wouldn't feel the same way about him.

He walked away in anger. As First kept walking, he became more furious as visions from what he just witnessed flooded his mind. His fist was gripping his drink so hard that it looked like it had insulted First and he was trying to get revenge on the innocent beverage. "What happened to 'I don't think the timing is right?' So I guess my feelings don't really matter to you. I'm so stupid."

It was at this spur of the moment that First had finally made a decision about what he should do. He began to feel tears streaming down his face, a habit that he's grown to be familiar with these past few months. With shaky hands, he reaches into his pocket to grab his phone and begins typing away.

*Tap*

*Tap*

*Tap*

First paused for a second longer, contemplating if he should go through with sending this message. Maybe he was being too irrational at this moment. Maybe he needed to take a few more moments to think things over. That's when First got a notification that Khaotung had posted something to his story. First's blood instantly began to boil as the image that popped up on screen pushed him right off the edge. Gun was wrapping his arms around Khao's neck with his head resting on his shoulder. First's body moved on its own as it clicked out of the story post and into the message he was drafting before viewing the notification.

Sent!

"Hey Neo, I think I will take you up on your offer. Can you give me your friend's number?"

Well, there's no turning back now.