Hidden Feelings

Chapter 7: Revelations

First was extremely uncomfortable. The air in his room was so stiff and dry that he felt like he was choking. His palms grew sweaty from nervousness and it didn't help that he was wearing multiple layers of clothing, which enhanced his discomfort. Khao was staring straight at him with eyes that could puncture his soul. When he finally spoke, it sent a chill down First's spine, "It's after your date. Can we talk now?"

Fuck what Chompoo said. First didn't have it in him to listen to Khao's response to his feelings right now. The pain of Khao breaking his heart would need to wait for another day. First walked up to the bed where Khao was sitting and glared down at him. He delicately yet firmly grabbed Khao's arm, almost silently suggesting that he get up but he refused to budge. After a few more tugs, First finally succeeded in lifting him from the bed. They were now standing face-to-face.

"It's late. You should go back home." First said sternly.

Khao released First's grip on his wrist. "I can't. We need to talk about what's been happening lately." Khao pleaded.

"I'm too tired to have this conversation right now." First declared, quickly growing impatient. Usually, he's great when it comes to being vulnerable and talking about his feelings with Khao but the current situation goes beyond what they've ever discussed with each other. He understands that nothing has truly been resolved yet but deep down he hoped that Khao would drop the whole issue so First could finally forget about it all. The thought of resurfacing the painful unrequited feelings he had been experiencing once again, felt like ripping his heart out and serving it on a platter for the vultures.

"Can you blame me for wanting to talk with you, though? You came over to my house, kissed me, and confessed your feelings for me. Then, when I came over today, all of a sudden, you decided to go on a date with someone else and told me you were 'over it.' Of course, I'm confused!" Khao's voice was growing louder.

First stood in silence. He was tired of having to go through this same cycle of avoiding things but he just didn't have the confidence or energy to face his fears. He had never felt so unsure of how to respond. He recognized not too long ago, Chompoo was encouraging him to hear Khao out but how could he when the possible outcome of this discussion would lead to more heartbreak? He understands its importance but at the same time dreaded the idea.

To keep the conversation moving, Khao began bombarding First with questions, "Would you care to give me an explanation? You just told me you love me and now you do this. How do your feelings just change so quickly?"

"Why do we need to talk about this? None of it matters anymore. I already know how you feel about me and I'm trying to move on. Is there anything wrong with trying to move on?" First replied.

"What? So you were just playing with my feelings then?" Khao looked like he was about to cry.

After hearing such nonsense, First couldn't hold in his emotions any longer, "playing with your feelings?! Khaotung, you're a hypocrite. You obviously felt bad for me because you knew you were going to reject me. I know you're in love with someone else."

"Who told you I was in love with someone else?" Khao's expression instantly changed from sullen to pure confusion.

"Everyone! I even overheard your conversation when you were with Mix and Earth at our favorite restaurant recently. Do you know how painful it is to hear from everyone else before I even heard it from you...that there was no way you'd ever feel the same way about me?" First's eyes kept glancing in different directions across the room, trying his best to avoid Khao. He felt embarrassed by the amount of information he was revealing.