Hidden Feelings

Chapter 6: Dating to Forget

Today was the day. First was preparing himself to go on a date with Neo's friend. He was terrified to start something new for fear of hurting himself and others but he knows it's the right decision to save his friendship with Khao. He can't go on loving someone who doesn't feel the same way about him so he forced himself to be okay with the situation. He also remembered Neo telling him that things would be fine, even if the two ended up just becoming friends. Knowing that, helped relax his nervous emotions.

After he finished dressing himself, he grabbed his keys and was getting ready to head to his car but as soon as he opened the door to leave his home, someone was waiting outside for him. Their index finger was hovering over the doorbell, ready to announce their presence. It was Khao. He had styled his hair, parting it slightly to the right. A few strands fell beautifully on the top of his forehead. He was wearing a light blue hoodie with a black jean jacket and sweats. His eyes were kind and almost blinded First with how sparkly they were. With ease, Khao flashed a smile so sweet, it could make your dentist swoon. First could feel himself growing weak in the knees at the sight. Of all days, why did he have to look so good today?

"Ai'Tung, what are you-" First tried to ask but was immediately interrupted.

"We need to talk. Things have been strange between us lately and you've been so distant since...you know..." Khao responded, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"Maybe later...I'm late for an appointment." First's response accidentally came out slightly agitated. He was still upset after recently witnessing Khao and Gun's gym session. He tried to end the conversation quickly as he was already unprepared to handle the emotions of experiencing a date with a stranger.

"It's just that...I miss you. I miss our friendship." Khao admitted.

"Well, don't worry. We'll be able to go back to how things were as soon as I come back from this date-." First did not mean to reveal his plans to the person he was trying so hard to hide from. The space between the two began to grow awkward once again until Khao finally spoke up.

"Date? But what about what you said and...the k-" Khao was about to finish his sentence when it was First's turn to interrupt.

"Kiss? Don't worry, I'm over it all now. I know you don't feel the same way about me and that's okay." First replied, trying to sound confident in his words despite how he truly felt.

"First..." Khao said quietly, his voice growing shaky.

"Sorry to have made you worry. You don't need to think about it anymore so feel free to date whoever you'd like because that's exactly what I'm planning to do right now...if you'll excuse me." First was rushing out the door to hide how he really felt after seeing Khao appear in front of him so suddenly. As he passed by his friend, First could just barely hear Khao whisper "Over it?" under his breath.

Even though First's immediate reaction was to leave, he couldn't help but feel guilty deserting his friend like that. He peeked over his shoulder to get a glimpse of Khao a few times before finally exiting the building. Khao's eyes shifted back and forth, making him appear lost in thought. And his eyes started to glisten as if he was about to cry. This reaction confused First. Khao should have looked more relieved that he didn't have to flat-out reject First anymore and could freely commit to Gun. Why did he look so sad, then?

First had no more time to think about this. He was about to be late to his date.

--------------------------------------------

First finally arrived at the restaurant where he was expected to meet Neo's friend. He glanced across the room, trying to find her, and saw someone waving at him from a table in the back of the room. She was beautiful. Her hair was long and silky and her eyes resembled big rainbows the way they would crease as she smiled. She wore a light purple dress with tiny rose petals sprinkled across the fabric and smelled like fragrant citrus.

"Nong Chompoo?" First asked.

She nodded in response.

"P'First?" The girl also questioned.

"Yes, that's me." First affirmed. He smiled while looking at her and sat down at the table to begin their arrangement for the night.

For the most part, things were going smoothly. They both got along quite well and there was never a dull moment in their conversation. They spent most of the evening venting about their failed love lives and shared their feelings of sadness regarding their heartbreak. She explained to First how she was recently in a long-term relationship with someone and that he broke her heart by cheating with her best friend. Yikes. How was she able to stay so cheery despite such turmoil? Hearing her story made First's problem seem simple.

The two chatted for a long time with ease. Painful laughter along with sighs of sadness they shared could clearly be felt by everyone in the restaurant. First made sure to give his full attention to Chompoo as she poured her heart out about how she felt. After the two spent more than an hour discussing her situation, Chompoo swiftly transitioned the topic back to First.

"I know it's not my place to say...but don't you think you should at least hear what he has to say?" she questioned.

"I already know what he's going to say. He'll tell me that he doesn't feel the same way and that he's interested in someone else." First stated.

"Wouldn't it be better...to know for sure? To hear it all from him sooner than later?" Chompoo asked curiously.

First could tell Chompoo was trying her best to be helpful and compassionate about his feelings but First wanted to make his stance clear.

"It could be...but I'm scared to actually hear those words. What if it changes things between us?" First replied.

"We will never know the outcome of anything. Hell, I would've actually ended up marrying that son of a bitch if I didn't find out what he did. I can't tell you how to live your life but if you don't find out the truth, it might become harder to move on." Chompoo said with conviction.

First stared at her with painful eyes. He knew she was right but it didn't stop the fears that continued building within him. Would he truly be able to move on if he hears how Khao doesn't share his same feelings? He kept this thought in mind.

After continuing to talk over dinner, the two concluded their date. Well, more like a therapy session rather than a date but they both felt excited having the opportunity to meet each other during such a sad time. Despite the fact they both had a great time together, it seemed their feelings were mutual. This relationship could only blossom into friendship and that's okay. As First and Chompoo parted ways, the two had made plans to hang out again in the future. While this event didn't resolve his feelings towards Khao, he felt a little better after being able to express the emotional pain he'd been experiencing lately. First continued to smile thinking about how nice Chompoo was and that he could make a friend in this odd situation.

When he returned to his apartment, he happily swung open the door. He felt somewhat relieved, believing that things might go smoothly after many months of sadness and heartbreak. Unfortunately, his cheery mood would soon change the moment he walked into his room and saw Khao laying on his bed. The instant Khao made eye contact with First and acknowledged his arrival, he sat up. His eyes were red and puffy but he still managed to confidently look directly at First with an expression that could only be described as sadness and desperation.

The tension in the room grew unbearably uncomfortable for First. He had never seen Khao look so angry before and it absolutely terrified him. First was almost tempted to run right out of the room again but Khao would make sure that didn't happen.

After a few more moments of awkward silence, Khao spoke, "It's after your date. Can we talk now?"