Together at last || Jenna Ortega x Y/n (female)

Chapter 10

a/n, can y'all see the linked video?? it shows when i go into edit but not when when i go into reading mode, help i'm confuuuused (if it doesn't show for you, here's the link: https://youtu.be/Hjco_fSAlwI - or just search up „sadness and sorrow - naruto/guitar cover)

Pov: Y/n

The next morning I woke up and found myself in the exact same position Jenna and I fell asleep in. My head on her chest, our legs intertwined and her arms wrapped around my back, while mine lays lazily around her torso, with my hand on her shoulder. I can feel her subtle movements - her thumb sliding across my back, bringing her cheek to my forehead every now and then. She does everything ever so carefully, thinking I'm still asleep. And I play into her delusion, making myself stay still. My arms and legs remain in their spot; my breathing doesn't pick up in pace.

As much as I'd like to return the loving touch, I'm not ready to face her after my outburst yesterday. I'm not ready to see the worried look on her face, not ready for the questions she will ask. And especially not ready to tell her how bad I've actually been doing, even though... after yesterday, I think it's fairly obvious. She said nothing about it, but I know she saw my cuts. She saw my dead eyes looking up at her in panic. She heard my violent sobs.

I stay still as the minutes fly by until I notice something that breaks my heart. When she brings her cheek to my forehead once again, I feel a hot tear against my dehydrated skin. I drop my act and lift my head to kiss away the wet spots on her face. But I don't stop when her tears do; I keep showering her face in kisses until she snuggles her face into my shoulder. We remain like that for a while, both of us attempting to speak, but no words coming out. A final sigh leaves my mouth, not out of frustration or annoyance - but to signal to her that I'm ready. Jenna sits up, and I instinctively mimic her action, both of us sitting cross-legged, facing each other.

"I don't even know how to start... uhm, well, first of all, welcome home, I guess," my shaky voice fills the room - not only due to the intensity of my sobs yesterday but also because I haven't really used it in a while, except for the brief calls with the visibly nervous girl in front of me. She sends a tight-lipped, but real smile my way, encouraging me to go on. "So, when you left, I first thought it could maybe be a good opportunity for me to focus on myself, and taking control back on my life. Like, do you remember how I always wanted to play the guitar?" I ask her, more rhetoric than anything else, because I know that if I stop now I won't be able to continue. I see her nodding while the next sentence already exits my mouth. "I thought that maybe I could go do that. Or do anything, really. All the things I missed when I was in the basement. But it didn't work out that way... Once you left and I was alone with my thoughts, I fell into this deep spiral of flashbacks, and then just... I don't know. I guess my mind shut off completely to protect me from the pain I was in. I went numb, and every emotion except missing you left my body. Those days before you had to leave made me feel so energized, so ready to get back to living my life, enjoying my life. But that quickly faded and I realized I had depended on you to make me feel that way, to protect me from everything bad and make me happy. That's not fair to you, I would never want to bring codependency into what we have, but I just feel so incapable of living on my own... I'm so, so sorry Jenna, for lying to you, for feeling the way I do, for disappointing you. I know I can't change anything I've done, but please know how bad I feel. I didn't mean to cause you any of this trouble."

I had shut my eyes saying that, because I knew if I saw the look on Jenna's face, I would break down before being able to finish telling her how I feel. Jenna's warm hand gently grabs my chin, accompanied by her telling me to look at her. I do what I'm told, not before taking a deep breath to brace myself, and meet her glossy eyes with mine. Her hand now wanders from my chin down to my lap, and she takes mine into both of hers. I'm dreading whatever response awaits me, and can't prevent my body from shaking, preparing for the worst.