Lunaticus

6

Don't do it. You'll regret it.

I will also regret not doing it.

So here I was, making my way to the task masters' lodge with a basket hanging by my elbow. I kept stopping, looking back, fearing that either Evan or Arthur was following me.

What would they say if they saw me like this?

What would he think if he saw me like this?

Smitten. Heads over heel. Fool.

Before I could turn around, like the big coward I was, I saw him leaving the lodge, and as luck would have it, his eyes went straight to mine.

He offered me a kind smile. I stared like a deer caught in headlights.

"Good morning." He offered and gave me a side hug as if that was the most natural thing in the world. "How are you?"

"Um." I shook my head. "Here."

His brows furrowed as he glanced at the basket. "Is that what I think It smells like?"

"Only if you think it smells like cupcakes and sausages."

His eyes lit up with childlike wonder. It was so cute I found myself grinning from ear to ear.

"Is that really? That's like a whole picnic buffet."

"Now that's an exaggeration." I chuckled self-consciously, "But there is cranberry juice."

"Oh, I can't miss this for the world." He took the basket from me, and in doing so his hands brushed mine. Sparks flit across the surface he touched. The feeling buzzed in my blood.

I followed him to a nearby bench, watching him eat. He didn't ask why, and I didn't feel the need to explain. I did ask what task he had been assigned.

He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Carpenter."

"Carpenter?" I was impressed. "How did you manage that? I thought you would be patrolling for sure."

He smiled. Oh, how I wished I was a painter instead so that I could keep his picture of me with me at all times. "Well, it helps when I could charm the shoes out of everyone." He explained upon seeing my confusion. "Because I could sense thoughts."

"Oh. Is that what you do with me?"

"I can't help it. It's like breathing to me. I can't turn it off." He leaned his head back against the wooden plank. "Sometimes I think that's what triggers the bad stuff."

The bad stuff. I wondered. But I didn't want to ask. Didn't want to ruin this peaceful conversation between us.

"Well, where's my share?" He looked at me quizzically, "Of your thoughts. Like you promised last night."

"Oh." He bit the cupcake. "These are delicious by the way. Thank you for giving it to me. You're a very kind person."

His words had me melting in ways I hadn't thought possible. "Is this your way of shrugging off the topic?"

"As a matter of fact, this is my way of sharing them. You're very kind. And gentle. And overall a good person. That's what I was thinking."

"Do you practice this stuff in front of the mirror?"

He threw his head back and laughed, while I concentrated on keeping the self-loath at bay. It will come later, while I would try to sleep. It's just words, Chloe. He doesn't have to know you're no good.

"I think it comes naturally. My father was a very charismatic person. All the pack ladies loved him."

Don't ask, don't ask, and don't ask.

"Was?"

"Is." He spoke, his words barely decipherable. "He's still alive."

"Oh." Stupid Chloe. "That's nice. You must love your parents very much."

"I do." He said. "So tell me about you."

Instantly my guard came up. I found myself looking sideways, suddenly very interested in the pathway strewn with autumn leaves.

"Well, there's me, Chloe."

"A female," He nodded encouragingly. "Good. Anything else that I don't know?"

"Um." I scratched my left arm. "Um. Well, um."

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

I nodded frantically with relief and turned back to look at him. He might read my mind, but he could never unlock the memories buried deep in the crevices of my head. Never.

His eyes held gentle understanding. "I know what it feels like. To carry the burden of the world on your back. It gets suffocating, doesn't it?"

I nodded mutely.

"Wouldn't it help to share it some?"

I looked at my lap, fighting the tears. "You only get to lock your demons once, Lyell. I won't let them consume me by speaking about them."

His hands curved around the slope of my neck. It was strangely comforting. I thought I would have preferred bulkier arms, like the muscular ones of Evan, but right now I wouldn't have given a single thing to exchange the one I was having with Lyell.

"It's okay Chloe." He whispered again. "Everyone has demons. And they mostly almost always stay. But they don't get to define us Chloe. No matter what the world has to say, they don't get to define us."