Lunaticus

18

I opened my eyes at the sound of fabric falling to the ground. It was his shirt. Then his jeans. He stood before in dark boxers, his skin pale and flawless.

Well, not entirely.

"When I first shifted, It wasn't at home. There was a training camp, where all the wolves of age had to go. I was the alpha's son. My shift was the most anticipated one. Just after evening, one by one, all the boys started to shift. Normal wolves that shifted in and out at their whim. It was gruesome but... I was excited. Excited to be a part of them. The respect and authority gave me a thrill. I was sure my wolf will be bigger and more powerful than theirs."

His finger traced the line that raced across his abdomen. Initially I had thought it was red, but as I examined this thick belt now, it noted the gray undertone, as if the bruise that had settled was permanent.

"Then, as the moon grew fuller...I started to convulse. It was so...freaky. I remembered being frightened, as the others watched me. I thought they'd help me, the alpha's son, their alpha...But they just watched. And when, hours later, it was finally hour and I had become what I had become and they had seen what they seen, they started to panic.

"I tried to communicate to them, but the moon blocked me. I felt trapped within the body of an animal. And then as I approached them, they bared there teeth. They feared me. They hated me. One of them took a snap at me. I avoided. Barely."

He sat down, letting his arms around his knees. I saw the same bands around his wrists, mirrored at his ankles. A squeamish feeling settled in my belly like a slithering snake.

"But when- when another lunged at me, something in me snapped. I lost control. Completely." He fisted his hair, tears filling his beautiful eyes. I found myself kneeling beside him, touching his ankles, his wrists, his chest- Searching for peace within his broken pieces.

"The mortification...I ran. I ran with all the thoughts I could muster. I didn't even know what I was until I stopped by a pond and-and the reflection-" He flinched, the tears racing down his cheeks. "I couldn't believe that was. I howled. I howled to the goddess. I didn't understand why she was punishing me. Why why why. When she had already taken mum. I didn't believe it..."

I imagined the seven feet something creature standing on its hind legs with the alabaster pelt and the elongated snots, the crimson eyes seeing itself for the first time. Goosebumps rose on my arms.

"And then the next morning, I found myself naked in the woods. My father found me. I told him what had happened. I will never forget the absolute horror on his face," He sobbed, "Like he wished he was dead. Like I was."

"And you know what he told me? He told me it was alright. That it wasn't my fault that one boy was dead in the freaking woods! He hugged me, but I knew he was crying too. He knew what would happen now."

He wiped away his tears, for a moment not speaking. When he did, there was a serenity across his chest, the one that could only be found at cemeteries.

"They locked me. They knew I wouldn't run- Of course I wouldn't! I couldn't even shift at will- yet they locked me in silver. I thought I would die before the council reached a verdict. The silver branded me more prominently inside than outside. I could still feel the burn, like blazing fire that was cutting my bones in half...."

I gathered his hands in mine, kissing the lashes. I could see the veins turn engorged, darker and muddier under the brandings. It took all in me not to break down alongside him.

"My father saved me. He unlocked me and asked me to run. I didn't get to say goodbye, or even apologize. He knew what would happen. I was the alpha's son, but the alpha himself was powerless. The price of death was death. And my father was a just man... Even if he had somehow negotiated... how could he explain what his son was...a monster...the bloodthirsty creature that killed without a cause...An abomination to be burned at the pyre..."

"No, no, Lyell," I cut in desperately. There was no flicker of life on his dead face. "That's not true. You could have killed me but you didn't. They provoked you. It was no one's fault..."

He shook his head. "It was. I ruined him, his family, my father, my pack. Just one night and just like that," He snapped his fingers, "Gone. Dead. My fault, all my fault-"

"Shut up." I placed both my hands on his face, and when he didn't turn I straddled him and made him meet my eyes. "It's not. Your. Fault. Okay? It wasn't in your hands. You didn't mean it. You were afraid, you lost control, it was your first time. It was a mistake at best."

I had to struggle to say the next words, "A-And your wolf isn't a monster. You're just-you're just different and for that you should never, ever blame yourself. Never."

"I shouldn't?" He mocked in barely whispered words, as if amused.

"Of course not you-you stupid, kind, understanding person..."

"And it's not my fault?"

I shook my head tightly, starting to utter the obvious words of consolidation.

"Then how could it be yours?"

I felt my tongue go limp. My hands fell to my side. I felt his hands creep up the side of my waist, my arms, pausing to squeeze the back of my neck. His remote expression from earlier now echoed in mine.

His reddened eyes searched mine. "It's not, is it?"

I had no answer.

"You didn't even made a mistake, Chloe. You were the innocent boy in this scenario," His words were a soft elixir, comforting me in ways I had never deemed possible. "Don't blame yourself for the hateful and wrong thing that son of a bastard committed against you. How could it ever be your fault?"

"You were innocent too..." I mumbled, looking down as he gently winded my hair behind my ears, "Just as clueless as-as me..."

"Chloe."

I met his eyes with knowledge brimming in their silvery depths. His smile was the most patient, most tender thing I had seen in the world. In that moment I felt something inside me twist and shift, as I felt myself fall for the inevitable ending.

"Let's never remind each other to never blame ourselves, alright?"

I managed a small smile.

I love you.

"Okay."

"Wouldn't you ask me how?"

So much I'm fucking terrified.

"How?"

"Well," He rubbed his chin as if in deep thought, "Oooh. Let's play a game. Whenever you start to blame yourself, I'll kiss the plain rockers out of you."

I rolled my eyes. Falling for a pervert. When did I allow my standards to be so low?

"Hey I could hear you." He grinned, and the smile was like the sun breaking across the horizons of a stormy nights that the both of us had barely survived.

"Oh so that's my fault now-"

His lips covered mine but not before he mumbled, "Best game ever."