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Fifty

My first shift back was an uneventful one. It was still dark on my way home, the sun just starting to rise. As I walked up my front walkway, I swore my mind was playing tricks on me, being sleep deprived from my first overnight shift in four weeks. I stopped and closed my eyes for a couple of seconds before reopening them.

"Hey, Charley," Mick said softly, sitting on my steps in the dark, illuminated only by the glow of the faint street lamp.

"What are you doing here?"

My heart was in my throat. Surely he was here to tell me to stop asking our friends about him, that he was sure about his decision. Surely he was here to break my heart just a little bit more. Taking a deep breath, he stood up and walked towards me.

"Charley, I'm so sorry. I fucked up. I know I did. Can you ever forgive me?" He told me. As he spoke, there was a pain behind his eyes that I hadn't seen in fifteen years.

"What is going on right now?" Admittedly, I was exhausted from not sleeping all night and wasn't as sharp as I usually was.

"I want you back, Charley. I don't care anymore what your brother thinks. I don't care if he thinks I'm not the one for you or if I can't provide stability for you because I travel too much. I don't care that he thinks I'm immature or that I'm not good enough for you. I never will be but damnit if that won't stop me from trying every day to be the man you deserve. You deserve so much more than what I have but I will never stop trying to give you the world. I love you, Charley. I'm so sorry. Please tell me I'm not too late," he pleaded.

A tear slipped down his cheek as he spoke the words I had been waiting a long two weeks to hear. We stood there in silence staring at each other, him pleading for me to take him back while I was trying to comprehend what just happened.

"Why would you even care what Alex thinks to begin with?" I asked, rubbing my temple. "There's plenty of people who didn't like us together. I'm sure there's heaps of girls who think they're better suited for you. They might be right, who knows. Their opinions never bothered me though because you loved me. Why do you think you're not good enough for me? Did I ever give you that idea? And lack of stability because you travel? Mick, I was a travel nurse before I came here. I had a new home every three months! Why would you think I wouldn't be okay with you traveling? What makes you think I wouldn't have tagged along every chance I got?"

He shook his head softly. "Your brother really got to me. I shouldn't have let him and I'm sorry."

"No you shouldn't have. You shouldn't have run away either. You should have come and talked to me first," I snapped. I was still a little angry at him for taking off.

"You're right. I'm sorry. He said things I had already been worried about and I let them get to me. I handled things wrong."

Silence fell between us again as I tried to think of something to say.

"Please can we start over?" He pleaded softly. His eyes were darkened with sadness as he stood in the early morning haze.

I wanted nothing more than to be with him again, but something tugged at my mind.

"How do I know you won't just leave me again?"

He shook his head sternly, "Not a chance. This last two weeks have been torture. I'll never make that mistake again."

"You broke my heart, Mick." I told him. It was all I could say.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Charley. Please give me another chance. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I'll never hurt you again." He took a half step forward and reached out, taking my hand. "I love you, Charley."

Feeling his hand in mine again felt like lightning. I might have been overtired from my overnight shift but at that moment, feeling his hand in mine, hearing him tell me he still loved me and that he wanted to try again was all to much for me. Tears brimmed my eyes and spilled over, tumbling down my cheeks.

"Hey, don't cry. Please don't cry," he pleaded, wiping the tears off my cheek.

"This is too much for me right now, Michael. I'm sore and I'm exhausted..." I sighed, looking away.

I didn't want him to see me cry anymore.

"Please tell me how to make it right," he told me softly, voice heavy with sadness.

"You left me when things got rough, Mick. You didn't talk to me about it, you just disappeared. You second guessed us and just left. And you wanted me to move in with you! What would have happened if we lived together? I would have been single and homeless. What then?" I wanted so badly to be back with him but I was so scared he would repeat his actions.

He shook his head, "Charley, I'm so sorry. I fucked up, I know it. Please believe me, I'll never leave you again. I don't want live without you in my life anymore."

Pressing the bridge of my nose, I squeezed my eyes closed. I sighed and looked at him standing in front of me. The strong and courageous man I knew that would run into the angry ocean to save struggling swimmers was not the same man who stood in front of me. This man looked dejected, beaten down and sad. I didn't recognize him anymore.

"I need to think about this, Mick."

Swallowing hard, he nodded.

I walked passed him, leaving him standing in my walkway the same way he left me two weeks prior.