I'll Make You Remember

|16| Space

Atychiphobia: the fear of failure; fear of not being good enough

Everything is like a  dream now like I can't grab onto reality even though I have so much power in my hands. I don't even remember getting home or putting the kids to bed,  but standing in front of the mirror in the restroom while my head spins. I look down into the sink trying to scrub the dried-up blood from my neck and the memories are flowing back like a wave that I can't control.

......

Gripping the square sink in the sight of blood dripping from my bottom lip mixing in with the intoxicating gold that matches the rest of the fixtures around me. My heart beat slows and I finally realized I wasn't breathing, then I hear another earsplitting knock coming through the door. Nervously I clean my bottom lip and started fixing my once undone dress that comes to my mid-thigh covering the other bruise placed on my left leg above the seams. Applying makeup to erase the sinful actions to become the perfect barbie that I was built to be. Only to smile at my reflection and strut towards the blood-red door, now filling the silent bathroom with clatters as my six-inch heels hit the cold marble floor that holds not only my secrets but blood as well.

......

"I'm not there. I'm not there." I keep telling myself trying to hold on to the little piece of mind I once had.  Somehow my mind began to wander in and out leaving me suck in a trance fighting to push all my emotions back down. "Not yet. You don't get to fold, Laya not now." I try to convince myself to listen to my own words even though it hurts to say it.

I look down at my wrist feeling trapped like Nash is still holding them down while he overpowers me. I  was fine before Milo grab me with the same aggression while we were in his office, but it's my own fault to follow behind him. I wouldn't have found out the truth if I didn't go so I guess that's the a plus in the mess of chaos.

I turn off the faucet and turn on the shower trying to get the rest of this blood off of me and calm down I think I did enough damage for the night. I get undressed and step into the steaming hot shower letting the water dance along my skin so gracefully making me clear my head for once today.

I jump slightly when I feel hands rub up the front of my body "My brother told me everything we can leave right now if you want Ann" I drop my head letting the water flow through my hair "Ann?"

I let out a silent cry and Mia turns me around and pushes my now wet hair out of my face."I don't know what to do anymore, Mia. Every time I take a step I find myself in more lies than before and I'm just so tired. It's like I'm in the water and I'm holding the kids up so they won't drown, but I have so much pulling me under. I don't care if I drown as only as they-"

"They what? Live? You can't protect them if you can't stay above water and I don't care what you say I am here for you. I know it's fucked up how everyone keeps piling up your past on you and expect you to sort through everything without the details but I'm here. I'm here to find whatever answer you need to know and I won't stop till you know everything."

She lifts up my chin and rubs her thumb over my bottom lip while locking eyes with me before dropping them to my arms. That's when I notice that I'm rubbing my arms and wrist "I still feel him holding me down, Mia"

Mia holds out her hands and I place my wrist into her hands trying to stop shaking "Nash? But why is it a fresh mark right here?"

I nod trying to not speak before I break down completely in front of her "Milo, sparked something from the past when he grabbed my wrist." Her eyes go dark and even if I want her to flip on Milo it's not worth the fight honestly. "Please don't do anything crazy it was my fault"

"I don't care whose fault it was he should've never put his hands on you, Ann." She pulls my wrist up and kisses the marks on my wrist before grabbing a towel and soap to clean me up. It's like everything is moving in slow motion as I grab another towel and do the same to her. Mia reaches up and runs her hand over my hair. "You're so beautiful"

My lips part slightly letting out a satisfied sigh as she massages my scalp "Mia?" She smirks as I place my hands on her flat stomach and slowly bring them up.

Bring up the soap that's still on her body and massage her tits with it. "Ann, you're not in the right headspace so stop while you can." I yield at her warning and tried to think of a reason why I shouldn't sleep with her.

Every time life gets difficult or Milo proves to me he can't stay truthful she is always there to save me from drowning. She didn't have to take me in when I wanted to get away from Milo and when she heard about today she came to comfort me. "Does the offer still stand?"  She offered to take care of me before I went to Ivano's house and I was so caught up in being the perfect parent for the twins I didn't give it a thought.

Mia grabs me by my hair and pulls me into the front of her and takes a deep breath. "Ann, I know how much you love Milo and I don't want to get into the middle of that."

"Mia, Please" I don't know what I'm begging for but I just need something to make me forget or just feel good for once.  "I don't want to think about him right now. Make me forget."

She lets go of my hair and picks me up putting my back against the cold tile "I'll do more than make you forget, Ann."