JustPhamilyThings (Dan, Phil and Dil oneshots)

(Don't) Take Me To Church

A/N: This is a scene taken from the movie 'Kingsman' if you haven't seen it I highly suggest you do.

*Dil and Do walk into a church*

Priest: "Welcome! Please, sit down with the other Christians, we will be starting our ceremony in a few minutes."

Dil (whispering to Do): "Why are we even here again?"

Do (whispering to Dil): "Just blame Dan."

*They sit down and the Priest begins his speech*

Priest: "This is a place of worship, a place of safety! Where we can be safe from all the horrors of the world, all the crime that is witnessed every day but us God loving people of England, and society is letting it run wild!"

*Everyone apart from Dil and Do cheer*

Dil: "This is fucking stupid."

Priest: "Crimes like Abortion, Communism, Black People, Homosexuality. Well I say, NO MORE."

Do: "What the fuck."

Priest: "I say that God will punish the niggas and the faggots who come across his heavenly land!"

Dil: "I'm out of here." *stands up*

Old Lady: "Excuse me Sir, show some respect and wait for the end of the speech!"

Dil: "We really need to go."

Old Lady: "Not until you give me a valid excuse to why you should leave God's sight!"

Dil: "..."

Do: "..."

Dil: "...I am a Catholic whore, currently working for a communist country, now if you don't mind me I'm going to go back to my home to my black, Jewish boyfriend who works in the Abortion Clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon miss."

*Dil and Do walk out*

Do: "I fucking love you sometimes."

Dil: "I fucking love you all of the time....Which reminds me."

Do: "Hmm?"

Dil: "I'll tell you when we get back to your Dad's."