The Gone Town

Off My Mind

After a whole week, (which felt like months) I left the hospital. I was eventually getting better day by day and I haven't had any attacks so far. I started getting very used to passing out because of my disorder. I usually feel light-headed and get migraines before I faint, so I would probably know when I black out.

Today is Saturday. I woke up, got dressed and went downstairs to have breakfast. I dragged and sat on my chair. My dad was sitting adjacent to my chair reading newspaper as usual. Bri was sitting next to my chair. She grabbed her spork and sat firmly. My mom served poached eggs and grilled cheese with jalapeño peppers.

I drank some apple juice and started with the grilled cheese. I kinda choked with the jalapeño peppers, but drinking water helped me.
" So, Jo. Buddy, we were thinking about your health and, we... thought it would be better if...
we're moving back to Juneau. " finished dad.
"What!" I asked unbelieved.
" Yes Jonah, ( he calls me Jonah when he's always finished with the decision) we're moving back to Juneau."said him.
"W-wh what? But why? Dad, I assure you, my health is completely fine. Y-Your job, what about it? Dad, sometimes you don't have to change things just for me." I said.

Although, I really wanted to go back there. B- but dad's job. He loves doing his job. I don't wanna be the person to interfere in dad's job. Really. Later, I would be overwhelmed with guilt which could cause me to panic. As I told earlier, I haven't got any attacks so far, which makes me worry every single second. I might get one anytime. Like the last one, it came out of nowhere.

" Jo, cheer up buddy" said dad. " My job's all set. I would just have to wake up really early, and their official van could board me to the outlet. You don't have to worry anything about my job, alright buddy?"
" I mean..." I said, but nothing came out of my mouth. I really wanted to go there. And, I have trouble lying to parents looking straight at their face.
My dad seems to have read me from the inside. He tapped my shoulders and started eating the poached eggs.

Honestly, instead of feeling guilty, I felt happiness build inside me.
"I still can't believe we're moving back to Juneau! I-I-I m-my friends a-are-"
"I know sweetheart. It's common to get excited. But don't get too much, you look like you're about to pass out again"said mom.
That was true. I felt much, much lightheaded now. My dad held me in his hands to prevent me from hitting the floor.I fell into my dad's arms.

I wake up at our couch. I noticed mom and dad packing our bags and luggages. I have never got this excited in my whole life.I got up from the couch, walking in balance so that I would not lose my consciousness again. I started heaving my luggages in the truck.

Later, we went to the airport and boarded a flight back to Juneau. They provided lunch to all the passengers in the flight. Sandwiches with cucumbers and bread with jam sachet attached to it. I ate a sandwich which I regretted eating later. I could feel my stomach churning. I started feeling really sick. I am never used to flights. When we went to Texas last time, I was a mess. You won't need to know what happened. It's better that way.
I ate my pills.

My mom got a call. She was sitting right next to me. She seemed pretty serious during that conversation. She started acting weird.

" Jo, honey "said she.
Ok
Why is she speaking like that?

"Yes?" I asked doubtfully.
" I am really sorry alright? Please don't freak out Jo. Your best friend Arun got in a really bad car accident. I-Its severe"

This crushed my heart. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I was doing to be exact. I started breathing shallowly.
"It's okay sweetheart. Just breathe okay? You're doin good. You're doin good."

I usually use to pacify when she does this but this time, it only got worse. I can't catch my breath. The food in my stomach isn't great either. Forget it, I can't even get oxygen now.

My mom also started panicking. My dad noticed me and called the flight attendant and asked for an inhaler. I was really hoping they'd come soon. I can't bear this any longer. It became harder and harder to breathe. I was able to get 0% oxygen now. They hurried here with the inhaler.My energy was really low. I would pass out any time. My mom put it in my mouth and pressed it. It didn't work. She pressed it again but it didn't work. My dad hurried to me and pressed it really tightly and at last it worked. I was finally able to attain some air. My dad pressed it a few more times, until my breathing became normal. All the passenger's eyes were on us. I heard a mix of sounds. People murmuring calm down. I didn't know who was talking or who was there, all I knew is that my complete energy is gone. I am no more. I go back to my pillows and my eyes close. I faint.

I woke up to see Mom sitting next to me, drinking some water.

" Here, drink some water and calm down, Jo. You're friend's going to be alright okay? Just calm down Jo."

I tried to settle myself. But tears came out of my eyes. I felt drained. My mom hugged me and I hugged her back. I started crying on her shoulders. I heard her saying it's alright.

I have been knowing Arun since I was a kid. Simply, we were best friends as kids. His parents are Indians, but he was raised in America and he is what is called an indian-american. I still can't believe he had got in a car accident. I have more friends back home, but he was my best-best-bestest friend.
Remember when I was happy when I knew we were going back to Juneau? Yea? It's all gone now. I guess I'll never get to be happy once in my life, right? I guess the world just doesn't take my happiness into account. Right?