Remembering Us

Prologue

There are moments in our lives that we can pinpoint that changed everything. Usually it isn't until after the moments have passed and we look hard enough can we find them, though. I can pinpoint almost every single moment that my life was changed for better and for worse. But not that one that I need to find the most.

Perhaps if I walk you through it chapter by chapter you can help me with it. Or perhaps it'll be the thing that drives me crazy for the rest of my life.

My name is Joanna and this is a story you don't hear very often, if ever. This is not a happily ever after where the girl and boy ride off into the sunset. If that's what you're looking for you better stop reading now.

No. This is a story about losing yourself to somebody else. And then finally taking yourself back even if that means having no idea who you are anymore. This is a story about integrity and strength and being weak all at the same time.

That's the thing about life though. There is no right and wrong answer sometimes. Things aren't black and white. It's not just easy or hard. Life is life and we are here because that's how it goes.

Life to death. Happy to sad. Love to lonely.
Therein lies the problem. If you're in love you should never be lonely. Right? That is where it starts. The problem being I didn't realize how lonely I was until it was too late. You can't come back from some things no matter how much you pray and wish and fight and grip and try.

At the end of the day we both knew what he had done was the final nail in the coffin. It's the pain that surprises me even to this day. Years later. I still turn it over and over in my mind. Was it me? Could I have been different? More vibrant?

The answer is no. It wasn't me. And that's the hardest pill to swallow. Nothing you do can stop an affair. But we'll get there. First we have to start at the beginning.