starving [hailee steinfeld one-shots]

coming up for air [H.Steinfeld]

summary: when you're drowning under the weight of your thoughts, hailee is the life jacket that keeps you afloat.

warnings: so much fluff; mentions of anxiety (but nothing overly specific or graphic); pet names for days; abrupt start + slightly cheesy ending; too many drowning/storm metaphors

wordcount: 1.6k

a/n: this was a tumblr request :)

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You lay in bed staring at the ceiling above, your thoughts moving faster than you can begin to comprehend. You're not sure what's wrong but you are sure that the way your heart is racing isn't normal. It's like you're powerless against a growing wave of anxiety that keeps building with every second that passes.

The fact that you're alone isn't helping in the least but your girlfriend is busy shooting another collaboration with Core and you don't want to interrupt her work. She's been so excited about the opportunity and the last thing you want to do is ruin it by being clingy. So, against your common sense, you decide to stick it out by yourself, convincing yourself that you are more than capable of beating the storm of thoughts by yourself.

That is definitely easier said than done, considering how overwhelmed you feel already. A few minutes go by before the thundering silence of the room is interrupted.

You almost jump out of your skin when you hear the familiar sound of your phone ringing. You immediately recognize the ringtone as Hailee's and your heart drops down to your stomach.

If you were feeling like your normal self, you would be filled with excitement at the idea of getting to talk to your girlfriend. Instead, you're filled with a sense of dread and anxiety as you begin to rack your brain for the excuses you'll need for your girlfriend's inevitable questions.

You sit up in bed and hesitate for a few seconds before grabbing your phone. A loud sigh escapes your lips before you gather your courage and answer the FaceTime call from your girlfriend. "Hi, Haiz. How's the shoot going?"

You hope she'll go into detail about her day so you don't have to talk about yours or the storm of doubt raging through your head.

"It's going great!" She replies, an excited grin on her face. "Everyone's been so nice and the pictures all look amazing. I can't wait for you to see the finished product."

You give her the most authentic smile you can muster. "I'm glad to hear that, babe."

A beat of silence goes by while her eyes look you over. You already know what she's going to say before she opens her mouth. "What's wrong?"

"Can't a girl just miss her girlfriend?" You say while you turn your head to the side a little in an attempt to hide the deception behind your words.

"Baby, why are you lying to me?" Her eyebrows furrow, clearly not believing you.

"I'm not," you reply, willing your voice not to crack. "I'm just tired."

She doesn't immediately reply and you feel far too exposed as her brown eyes stare right through you and your unconvincing lies. Even over the phone, Hailee is far too good at reading you. "Listen, you can tell me whatever it is that's bothering you. I'm always here for you, y/n."

Any other day, her words would be reassuring but today, they make all sorts of insecurities rise up within you. You're not sure why pushing Hailee away seems to be the best idea to your overwhelmed brain but you don't have the strength to fight back against it.

"I know, Haiz. But I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me, I know you're busy." Your voice holds more exhaustion than bitterness but you can tell your words hurt her just the same. You feel the guilt rise up within you at the sight and the only thought in your mind is leaving before you make everything worse. "I'm going to go take a nap, okay? Call me if you need something."