HOWL: UNCHAINED (rewritten)

10 - Chokehold

--Billie's POV--

I didn't like this. They were just with me all the time.

First it was the people I killed a while back, then it was that woman who was on a camping trip with her husband, then that kid; I can't forget the look on his face.

They wouldn't leave me alone. That day when I lost it in front of Finneas and Emilia . . . that was something completely out of control. I didn't know what caused this. I know I'm not crazy but maybe that time away, that time alone, is the key source. Maybe it was just my conscience, maybe it was my guilt.

Then again, we're all guilt-ridden. We've all done shit we're not proud of so why was it affecting me so much?

Was it something else, something I missed? Or is the weight of what I've done finally crashing on me, pulling me down to the lengths I've tried to avoid for a long time?

Self destructive behavior.

God knows I want to numb my pain, remove these demons that haunt me, that taunt me. I'd set myself on fire to feel the burn if I could. I was so scared. Scared that I'll never be myself again. I keep waiting for the day that someone would put me out of my misery.

Though that day will never come. And if it wasn't for Tara's words of wisdom - what she was calling them anyway - I would have probably tried again.

For a long time, the thought of annihilation was bittersweet. But of course, it made me think. Especially when Tara had to put me in my place. She was right, though. The last thing I needed was me as my own enemy.

I chose to be angry at Emilia but I was really angry at myself. She was such a sweet person and didn't deserve anything bad. I don't even know if she'd even be willing to talk to me after I threatened to kill her . . . after something else threatened to kill her.

Tara wouldn't be specific with me about what was going on, telling me that I would have to speak with Emilia about it but it seemed both of us were dealing with our own shit. Granted I had no hope of us ever getting back together, now that she was with Quinn and after everything that had happened, but just her company was all I needed.

--Emilia's Pov--

I had no clue just how big Quinn's house was. We drove far out, nearly into the desert, when she turned onto the road and up to a security gate. It made me realize just how little I knew about her. But of course she knows very little about me.

We drove into the large six car garage - three black cars parked symmetrical with a large space for two more - and parked next to a black SUV. A bearded man in black clothes walked toward us, heading for the SUV as he was followed by two other men in black turtlenecks.

As we get out of the car he looks at me, then to Quinn and a smile spreads across his face.

"Quinn, you brought a friend?" He looks at me again. His voice was enough to send shivers down my spine.

"Relax Cyrus, she's harmless." Quinn laughs. I followed her out of the garage as they got into their vehicle. She looks at me, grabbing my hand gently and speaks, "Uncle Cyrus is part of the security. He's also my dad's friend. So not my actual blood uncle."

My mouth falls open when we enter the house. It was so huge. I'd only seen these kinds of places in the movies. I stopped to take in the corridor, admiring the double staircase and just how clean the place was.

"My dad's office is just through here," she takes my hand and leads me upstairs. We turn left at the top and walk to the door. She knocks and calls out for him and shortly after the door opens, revealing an older man in a suit.