HOWL: UNCHAINED (rewritten)

11 - What The Hell Did I Do?

--Billie's Pov--

When Finneas told me Emilia was in the hospital I couldn't sleep. I barely remembered everything but I remember her face. She was horrified . . . at least before whatever was controlling me took over her.

I didn't sleep. Not for the past few days. All I could think about was her in that hospital bed, lying unconscious because of me. I blamed myself but really how is it my fault that I got fucking, whatever the hell, possessed? That warlock explained to me that whatever was controlling us that night was only in its weak stage.

But I wasn't worried about that. I wanted to see Emmy. I wanted to tell her how sorry I am. I wanted to make sure she was alright . . . that she didn't hate me for something I couldn't control. I didn't even fucking care that she nearly killed me. I saw she tried to fight just as hard as I did. Even if she nearly gave me an aneurysm.

When I made it to the hospital I ran into Krista. She updated me on her condition, telling me that I could see her but she wasn't awake yet. That she had been asleep for the past few days . . . funny how that happens, right? Krista wasn't angry with me, which I was very grateful for, but I could tell she was trying to make sure I was in the right headspace.

Now that I think about it I haven't seen any ghosts or whatever the fuck they were.

It was when I entered her room that I nearly broke down. They had her attached to an IV, her abdomen was bandaged up and her arm was in a cast. I quietly walked over to the side of her bed and pulled up one of the chairs they had in the room. I sit down, quickly wiping away the stray tear that stained my cheek. Even when she was like this she was still so beautiful . . . fuck I hate myself.

I reach out to gently grab her hand, tracing the back of it with my thumb as I let out a breath. I clench my jaw as I look at her sleeping form once more. Shaking my head I whisper, "I'm so sorry."

The EKG beeped steadily.

"You didn't deserve this. You don't deserve this. Fuck, this wouldn't have happened if we didn't meet," I clench my jaw, fighting the sob trying to escape, "Or maybe it would have, who fucking knows. I shouldn't have said . . . I'm sorry."

I squeeze her hand. "I told you I would never hurt you, but I did. Possessed or not. I should have told you everything from the start. Even if it is against my kind's protocols. Even if you would have ran away like the rest of them. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

The EKG beeps a little faster, while keeping that steady beat. I knew she could hear me.

"I love you so much. Even if you don't love me anymore, I understand why. You have someone else now. But I should have seen you were going through shit too. I should have been there."

Tears fell down my cheeks. I chose not to wipe them away. I laugh.

"Remember our first date? I do. That was when you stole one of my hoodies, God, I wish we could go back to that." My face falls as I cry harder, "I wish I could help you but I don't know how."

I rest my forehead on her arm. I was just so tired.

I wanted her back.

--Emilia's Pov--

I don't know how I got here.

The last thing I remembered was nearly killing Billie, and her nearly killing me. All because of something controlling both of us, it was clear. We were possibly pawns in something or someone's twisted fucking game. I was sure that if I had lost all feeling I would have killed her.

God, all that blood. I almost killed her . . . I hope I didn't kill her.

I look around the baby blue room, staring at the IV in my arm for a moment and then the bandage wrapped around my abdomen.