Out of the woods

You were looking at me

Bellamy

My body was fighting. I had been tortured, hit, beaten, abused for at least a few weeks now. I had lost count of the days when I blacked out after Lexa nailed me in the head with the hilt of her sword. My hands were chained together, but I wasn't going anywhere. Between the beatings I could barley stand up and think straight, let alone form a plan to escape. But the torture was nothing, the bruises would fade, the blood would dry. The real pain lay in being held captive, away from my people.

They never told me what they wanted. They never asked me for information. They just wanted to start a war. A war I was hoping Clarke wouldn't engage in. Then again I wasn't even sure she knew I was missing, since she had been hell bent on avoiding me. She walked away, she closed the door I had been trying to open for the longest time.

There was a terrible pain that ripped through my hip whenever I moved. I cried out, feeling the blood as I touched it gently. My eyes would barely open up to a slit, I couldn't see anything. There was blood matted in my hair, pressed against my forehead. I was pretty sure I had a fever, my body was shaking but I was hot as could be. I coughed, blood trickled down my chin.

That couldn't be a good sign. I needed to find a way out of here, but I had no idea where here was.

Lexa was pure evil, I had been suspicious of her even when she swore we had an alliance. Clarke trusted her too easily, Clarke let her use her. I shouldn't have gone to the mountain, Clarke was a leader who used her heart and her brain. Lexa convinced her that was weak and somehow that crippled our brave princess. Lexa was the reason I had lost my partner for five months, Lexa was to blame for the pain Clarke still carried.

If my hands weren't bound I would've fought her. Ever since the war with the mountain men was over all I could think about was making Lexa pay for abandoning my people, for hurting Clarke. I didn't even see the trap, I didn't even realize I crossed the line until that smug smile was standing there staring at me, as the claw clenched my skin.

She took pleasure in my pain. She knew Clarke cared about me more than she cared about her. Clarke would come after me, she let Lexa walk away after her betrayal.

I didn't give her the satisfaction of hearing me scream while she tortured me.

The time between the abuse usually wasn't long, but this time they hadn't come back. The sun wasn't shining through my window anymore, I had no idea what time it was. All I could seem to focus on was the pain. My body was on fire, my lungs were burning in my chest. I felt someone grab me, hoist me up on to their shoulder. I didn't know what day it was, I didn't know what was happening. Maybe the grounders had decided it was time to cut their loss. Maybe Clarke really wouldn't start a war over me. 

Maybe they would end my suffering and use me as an example for the rest of the camp.

My heart broke as I imagined Clarke seeing my beaten and tortured body. I wish I had told her goodbye before I went hunting. I wish I had been more of a man and told her exactly what I wanted to say, but had always been too afraid. She had walked away once, she had left me alone at camp for months. I knew what it was like without her, I was afraid by opening up to her, I would scare her away for good.

I didn't want to go through that kind of pain again.

I heard voices, murmurs of people I recognized. They were speaking grounder, I couldn't make out the words, my head was pounding. My eyes were swollen shut, the bruises a few days old. I winced as my stomach bagged against the body carrying me. There was a cut I suffered from their trap. That's how they got me. I walked right into their trap, the metal jaw clasping around my hip.

They didn't bandage the wound. I knew infection when I saw it. They were going to let me die a slow and painful death. Then they would string me up on the gate walls so everyone at camp knows what happens when you cross the line. Our alliance was broken the day Lexa saved her people and ran. She wanted them to know she was back, she wasn't scared of us. I was exactly what she needed to get her point across.