𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝑀𝑒

𝒟𝒶𝓎𝓁𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉

𝓜𝓪𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 18+

|| 𝐉𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐡'𝐬 𝐈𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞𝐬 ||

"Telling myself I won't go there
Oh, but I know that I won't care"

Jotting down the words on paper before I blank, plucking the cords of the acoustic guitar finding musical notes to match.

I finally got Wayne situated into a new trailer, still at Forest Hills just on another spot. He refused to come live with me in Chicago, said he didn't wanna be a burden. How could he ever think such a thing, we were all we had left of the Munson name.

Which had me thinking shit I had no right too, did I ever want to have children? Did I wanna procreate? Should I? Would I be a good father figure? My own a piece of shit, yet there was Wayne.

I've looked into surrogacy, not sure how well that would work since I'm not .. conventional.
But neither was our upbringing and we turned out fine.

I remained in Hawkins a few extra days, putting behind the urge to .. drop by.

I hated that I'd be leaving Billy behind, but he wasn't going to leave Max in her state. I convinced him to take a leave of absence from school, rather than dropping out like he planned.

Not sure what the hell I was going back too or for what. No longer having future plans, that's when it would hit me the most.

........

Wayne kept Eddie's bed though I implored him to get a new one, he wouldn't dare part with it, regardless.

So I indulged the old man, bought him new bed sheets, a lamp, he kept Eddie's old dresser. There .. wasn't much left of Eddie's belongings here, except .. his van. We couldn't part with it either so, we'd keep it until we found a more .. permanent solution.

The trailer the government gifted Wayne, more like to "keep quiet" Wasn't too shabby, they sweetened the deal by adding a couple zeros to his account, my account and Billy's.

Leave it to our good old government to fix problems by throwing money at it, assuming it made it better. That's what Eddie's life was worth.. a few extra zeros.

I took the liberty of fixing up the second room, asking Wayne if Billy could move in. He could use the company, Billy wouldn't need to live with, see or be near his father. It was a win win.

Which brings me to now, thoughts, feelings, kept pestering me. Needing to get these .. ideas out. Like Eddie, I kept journals, mostly ramblings of cannabis ideas, ingredients, names.

Now, thoughts .. lyrics.

"Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time
You and I drink the poison from the same vine"

Aimlessly singing, humming, playing his guitar. There's a knock, Billy was to "maybe" stop by. Check out the room, didn't want him staying at the motel any longer than he had too.

"Old man .. you got it?"
"I'll give you old man .." he grumbled, laughing loudly I'm back at it. My digits aching from how long I'd been fucking about with it.

"Tellin' myself it's the last time
Can you spare any mercy that you might find"

Finishing up the last line, sensing eyes I look up to find doe ones staring back. I wasn't expecting to see him, for the same reason I didn't go looking. He wasn't mine to go wandering about like some love struck fool that believes in happy fucking ever afters. So my word comes out dry.