Freshman Year

6

"You guys have fun," Ellie tells us before she shuts the door. "So how are you?" Lawson asks. "I am good. Just trying to get through this semester. I am still trying to figure out where everything is since I am only a freshman," I reply. "Yeah, I am trying to figure it out. I transferred so I only have another year left," "So which part of Texas are you from?" I ask. "I am from Waco. What about you?" "Killeen. It is okay there but I wanted a change of scenery," This feels so awkward. I thought I would feel an instant connection but right now, I am feeling nothing. I hope as time passes by, I will become more comfortable.  "You are so cute," "Thank you. You are very attractive," I reply. I mean he is not bad looking and he is sweet and he is very tall. Those are all pluses. We get off the elevator and head down to the chill green area on campus. Of course on the walk, I see two guys from my high school who were somewhat popular. I notice they look back to see Lawson and I just talking. "I am a very religious person. I am waiting till marriage so I am sorry," I continue the conversation. "I get that. I grew up Baptist so I respect you," he replies. He most likely is not a virgin since he did not jump saying: "Me too". I have no problem doing it with someone with experience but I know deep down that since there is no connection, I will not be having sex with him. I feel bad because he just got here and I like ranting to someone other than my Snapchat story. "So what is your major?" "I am a statistics major. And you?"  "English. I want to be a writer but I doubt that will happen so I guess a teacher for now," I reply. "Do you write?" "Yes. I write for fun during the summer. I wrote a book on my laptop this past summer on my ex-boyfriend and I," "That is so cool," "Thanks." This is so awkward. "Do you want to go back to your place and watch something?" he asks. "Sure. I have Netflix so we can watch "The Office"," I reply. It is so hot outside so he probably saw me sweating up a storm. We walk up the hill to my dorm room and go up to my dorm. I notice Ellie watching TV and she jumps up from her seat when she sees us. "Hey guys, how was it," she asks while I am at the fridge getting Lawson and I water bottles. "It was a nice walk," I reply. Lawson and I walk to my bedroom. I let him chill there while I tell Ellie if I can hog the TV for a bit. "Hey can I use this room for a bit?" I ask. "Sure," she gets up and goes to her room. I know this is a bad thing to invite this man to my apartment and especially have him alone in my room. Nothing bad is in there. I just have Taylor Swift and Big Time Rush posters. I get the show going and I decide to sit on a chair instead of the couch with him because I am not wanting him to try anything. We watch the show and I am trying to wipe my sweat off of my forehead when I look at Lawson and he pulls out his vape. I am so much more uncomfortable now that he did that. The episode then ends and I am about to play the next one when he asks "Do you want to move over here?" "I am all sweaty," I say shyly. "I do not care. Come on over," I get up from my seat and sit next to him on the couch. He puts his arm around me and we watch the episode with a blunt was found in the parking lot. Ellie and my other roommate come out and announce they are getting coffee. I am jealous because I would rather be getting an iced coffee than being with this guy. They both leave the dorm and he and I are fully alone. "I do not like people like vaping or smoking or doing drugs. Drinking is okay but an excessive amount is awful," I blurt. "Yeah me too," he lies. I cannot believe he just lied to me. That is already a red flag. I look at the screen and in the corner of my eye, I see him take out his vape again. Thank god this second episode is almost done because I need this man out of my dorm. I look at my watch time and make up an excuse to get him the fuck out. "Oh shit! I have to take a quiz," I lie. "Right now?" "Yeah. I forgot that it closes soon and I never did it," I lie. We quickly get up and leave the building. I walk him over to his blue pickup truck. "We should go on a date. Are you free this weekend?" "I am very busy but I will let you know," I lie again. "Oh ok," We hug and then I am close to a panic attack because he likes me so much but I do not feel anything and he wants to go out to dinner. I do not like eating in front of guys because I am insecure about my body. I get to the entrance and my dumbass realizes that I forgot my student ID. I text Ellie because I saw her coming in while I was escorting Lawson out. I cannot believe that I did this and now I have to wait for her to let me in. I start to have all of these emotions go through my head and I am trying to hold myself together. Ellie finally gets to the door an lets me in and I start telling her everything. "So he vapes, he is a genuine guy and he is very sweet," "Thanks but I do not know if I feel a connection," I reply. I do know that I do not feel a connection so it is just a matter of if I should stick with it or allow him to take me to a nice dinner and see if he is more romantic.