My diary

Chapter 1.8

Sunday, March 4th 2021

22.34

At one point he annoyed me so much that I just couldn't think clearly. I might have thought of all possible ways to get away from someone, or to leave without anyone noticing. Berkay came in and introduced himself, which I didn't like. Not because he seems like a bad person, but because he seems to be someone I would kill, or he would annoy me so that I would commit suicide.

You talk a lot about murder

In the beginning it didn't seem so bad, he just told me his schedule through the week, everything about his work and his soccer training, the way he would ask to change his working days so that it would match the days that I have to go to the community center. He seemed nice, but everyone seems nice at first. Then he told me that things in my life would change? He controlled me? I'm dead serious, this is why I didn't want it in the end.

{✅} trust issues
{✅} ADHD
{✅} anxiety
{✅} the lack of sabr (patience)

He started telling me to text him if I wanted to go shopping, even if only for groceries. He also said and I quote 'I don't mind if you have a crush on someone, but you have to tell me if you meet him'. And then it clicked, he and Zakaria weren't friends, not even a little bit. He didn't even know our last name, Zakaria's age, he said he came late because he couldn't find our door. This guy was hired to watch what the hell I do.

Oeh, little miss detective.

That means he is paid, and if he is paid, he will show no mercy. That means he will tell him everything I do and think. I thought it was a joke, the way he laughed at everything Zakaria said and pretended to understand his 'signs'. But when Zakaria gave the most basic sign, such as looking directly at Naoufal. He signed him to be careful with what he said, but Berkay did not understand.

*don't act like it is a action movie
*Zakaria is never basic, I understand if he doesn't understand him.

He turned to Naoufal and said 'even if you meet him, I want to know.' Who does this man think he is while he storms into my house and tells me what to do? I mean? do I know him, although I don't have to. So I started to interrupt him 'You don't know each other, and he pays you. So I'll shift the fact that you're a bitch. Just because you get paid to be one... And by bitch I don't mean the fact that you pretend to be the boss, but the fact that you listen and obey him.'

Oh, fire.

He tried to interrupt me 'I don't obey,' but I interrupted him 'and I will let everything slide, because I have nothing to hide, but let's make this clear. You stay a week and if I don't like it or if I feel uncomfortable, this stops. Never mind, when I don't like something, it stops right away, you bring me everything I want. You said you wanted to know if I was going to go shopping? Fine, you'll bring me, you said you wanted to know if I felt bad?

Like a slave? Please tell me he did not agree to that.

Fine, you bring me my tampons, alone. No woman next to you, you come over everything that embarrassed you, because it won't touch me. Zakaria Do you want to play funny? You pay him double that you should give him, otherwise I will snitch to Dad. You and I both know it, Dad always takes my side.' 'Double? Do you know how expensive it is? He would not have obeyed me if I had paid less than now,' Zakaria says confused and irritated.

Tell him you're worth more.

'Like I said; Double, because I don't annoy him, if it doesn't touch you,' I said annoyed. 'Fine, but you can dream about the new shoes you wanted' Zakaria grins. 'That's why you pay him double, because he will pay for it for me,' I said, laughing out loud. Does this man think he can play me? This seems like fun for both me and Naoufal, because he gets free things. I will even have him pay for Marwan, Yassine and Adam.

Please tell me he DID agree ☺️

After a while he left, it was a lie. By the way, I won't charge Berkay anywhere. I will ask Zakaria to charge him some money if I decide to spend that amount of money that week. I will use things like: "O sorry, I accidentally exceeded his budget, my mistake." I don't mind spending his money, even though I have my own money. The only reason I don't mind is because he's an asshole.

#improvement. You're being nice. Is that what you gen-z people do? #everything

And besides, Berkay just texted me a second, apologizing for my brother's behavior, because and I quote again: "hi Berkay here, I have done this work several times for just as well boys and girls, but it was never a brother who had the same mindset that yours had. It was either a concerned father, someone who was stalked and needed a guardian, or a brother who wanted his sister to be protected because she was working for a famous company.

Either he has a crush on you, or he doesn't give a fuck about his job honey.

I have never met a brother who is so controlling, so I really apologize for the way he has acted, I will not refuse the work, but maybe it will make you happier if I do not share all the details?' He is just a boy doing his job, look at this Marwan. For once I felt humanly bad for someone, but an apology from me is way too much. Don't expect that.

I'm proud of you.

In addition, Naoufal continued to text me that he does not trust Zakaria, and he does not trust Berkay. Even though it is his job, you may never know what they have discussed. So I decided to text Berkay back: 'I accept your apology, but I want to know what you have discussed, what are the terms? Why did he choose you? And what are your tasks? Text me as soon as possible Xx Muberra.' It felt like I was questioning a suspect in a murder case or the file of a missing person.

*this can go two ways, either Naoufal is acting jealous, or Naoufal knows something you don't
*stop talking about anything murder related, you know I have to buy medicine and equipment and all that stuff just because of your behaviour. If you keep acting like you really would murder someone, I have to put you in a clinic.

It felt a bit satisfactory to prevail for once.

I'm the proudest.

Dear Muberra,
You have improved, and I don't think anyone could be more proud than I am today. I mean, you have showed emotion, you have showed mercy and you kind of showed patience. You even stood up for yourself. Try to fix things between you and your brother, as a matter of fact I don't think he is being an asshole without a reason. Next to that be careful around both Naoufal and Berkay.