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it had been a couple weeks since the whole... self harm situation with Oaks... and honestly i stayed with him his whole recovery.. but after that we barely talked. I think he might've been a bit embarrassed about it.. and i get that.. but the last time we talked was a week and some ago.
Aliza had always been a studio feen, and she always said i had the voice to sing and rap... but i just didn't know about it. but the things i had felt and experienced the past few weeks... i just had a lot to get off my chest.. so i took her up on her suggestion.
I spent a portion of my life in the US.. so for some reason i always sang in my American accent at some points... it just felt comforting and it brought back the memories with my grandma when i lived with her in the states and sang with her every-night under the stars.
"My Mine"
Pretendin' I have the patience Pretendin' there is enough time for waitin' Rememberin' when we kept it all basic I wanna go back so that I could taste it What do I care for? You were not there anymore I was not careful That is all your fault You let me fall...
-chorus plays through, entering another verse-
Buried alive here inside a nightmare Livin' a life where you're gone There is no light here It'll be light-years until my mind's clear I did it all for love I did it all I'd trade it all for you I'd trade it all But what do I care for? What are you here for? If you're not there when I call? I was not careful And that's all your fault You let me falll..
I sang reading out of the notebook which i kept all my lyrical gems in. I was always a writer, writing songs, journaling and even writing poetically, but i was never one to think i'd step in a studio, and record my thoughts. —————————————————————————
It had to be a record. I had literally recorded like 16 songs that whole day. i took breaks of course, but i tried not to, letting the emotional juices flow.
I called Aliza on face time as i could not wait to get her reaction... this all was mostly because of her, after all. —
"Aliza.. I did it, I finally did it." i said, as her joyful-surprised emotions flowed through the phone.
"let's release it, lets release it all!!!! i've been waiting for this moment!!" she said so happily.
"I don't know Aliza... do you really think i should?" i said still confused. because was this really what i wanted? it kind of felt like i was getting my get back in some type of way, but with these thoughts came the wild ones. you only live once right?
