6 years, 4 months and forever

9. Apologising

Charles never wanted children, it was something you argued about quite often really, you wanted a family, something to carry on your names, a living declaration of your love for each other, Charles on the other hand knew having a baby this young in his life could potentially ruin his career. His confession shocked you, "Charles you've never wanted kids"- "I always wanted kids mads"- "no your words were 'kids ruin careers, I can't have this much time off especially not when I got win a championship in the best couple of seasons' so I apologise for crossing that off the list for us". It was shocking how honest Charles was being about what he wanted from your relationship, it made you feel grown up, if you asked him a year ago what he wanted from you he would've said a blow job, as much as you wanted to have that family with Charles you were also aware he'd been involved with another woman during your time apart so was she the reason for this sudden change of heart. "I don't know char this is so new imagine if it doesn't work again, it was messy before it will be even worse when there's a child involved and my friends aren't exactly thrilling this is happening again so maybe announcing I'm pregnant will rock the boat even further", Charles shook his head pressing his hand down a little firmer on your thigh "why do you always manage to bring up lando".

You hadn't told Charles but around 6 months before the break up you found out you were actually pregnant, with Charles so busy chasing the championship, your media degree and how unwell you were you had never told Charles. It was the Thursday  night before last season Monaco gp and you were in the gym trying to make sure you felt good enough to attend when you dropped a weight on to yourself, 20 minutes after that you began heavily bleeding, you called Charles to tell him you were on the way to the hospital, he asked if it was important enough he needed to be there and of course you said no not wanting to ruin his race. The lando called you like he does every night, "sorry lan I'm on my way to the hospital right now can I call you back later please", before you had even finished your sentence lando was in the car on his way to see you, he missed both free practises that day but he was therefore you when you needed him. Charles' career was always more important I mean you couldn't really say that because he was completely unaware of why you were so ill so was it really his fault.

Before you knew it Charles's was carrying you into the hotel bridal style, "do I even wanna know what you were thinking about bro deeply angel" he said putting you down on the bed and taking your shoes and jacket off for you, "I was pregnant char last year at Monaco" Charles sat down on his knees in between your legs at the end of the bed "mon amour why didn't you tell me"- "you were busy with the race, and it was your home race, I was going to tell you after then I ended up in hospital and had lost them so there was no point" he realised "that was why you were in the hospital, oh I feel so stupid why did I never come to see you oh mads I'm so sorry" he was crying, "it's okay lando was there and he actually made me feel better, he told me that Jules actually got meet his niece ot nephew and he'll look after them up there"- "that does make it hurt a little less, I'm sorry you've had to rely  on lando so much" he was still crying into you "there's no point apologising for what happened when we were apart because we're together again now". He nodded starting to undress you carefully, Charles loved to look at you, he really did think you were the most beautiful thing on earth and he watched sunsets daily, he's seen the most naturally beautifully places across the globe and had stadiums of people screaming his name yet he would pass all that up to spend an extra 15 minutes in bed just looking into your eyes.

Once you were both changed and into bed, he held you, all night he held you, occasionally kissing your head or moving his hands over your body but he wanted you close to him, tomorrow was race day so he wouldn't be able to spend much time with you anyway but this made was his favourite hobby. You woke up and Charles left early leaving you to sit in the hotel room in Belgium debating asking Charles to move back into the apartment or attempting to maintain some distance whilst you figured out how you wanted to move forward when your mama started to call you... "hello cheeri"- "hello mama how are you today"- "I'm good madeliné"- "good did u need anything"- "no no I'm sorry I know your away with lando and Emma at the moment for their birthday but I saw what happened yesterday so I was wondering what it meant for you and Charles"- "I love him mama I always have and I know he broke my heart but I think losing me had really changed things, I think it's stupid to not see where it could do for me and for Jules"- "ok Cheeri if that's what you think is best I will support you, I love Charles as well you know that as well as anyone but don't force yourself to do this for someone else"- "I know mama, well can you please talk to P about having my hair cut"- "ofc I can we are actually going out for lunch today, she's spoken to Charles and from what she told him he's completely besotted by you so I'm sure that will make an interesting conversation"- "okay mama when I get back we will all go out for lunch"- "yes madelinè we should, love you cheeri" -"love you millions mama"...