"I'd like to think that in the end it's us.
But I can't help myself from wondering, if you're another lesson.
Another person to teach me something.
Someone I don't get to keep. It's not doubt, I'm not second guessing what we have, I'm just scared to...
The plane had landed about an hour ago. We just arrived at the hotel. Charles and I were on the Ferrari plane together. things got better between us after we talked about what happened that weekend.
Still, no one knows we are together, which means we still have separate hotel rooms. We had discussed sleeping together in one of the rooms. it's the second time in my career that I'm in Canada, and I'm happy to be back. outside of the race weekend Charles and I have been making plans to do things together. With some other drivers, because if the two of us are spotted there will be stories going around that we don't want to answer ourselves.
It's Tuesday at the moment. Which means we still have two days to ourselves before the first interviews start for Charles.
''Lando will meet us at the restaurant of the hotel, we will continue from there.'' Charles says as he puts his suitcase down by the bed. I don't answer him, but I nod my head.
I didn't speak to Lando again after he dropped me off at the hotel in Monaco. I'm also afraid it's going to get awkward with whatever Charles has planned to do for us. And Charles knows about the situation because that's what I told him. So now I really wonder what his plan is here. Why would he invite Lando too if he knows I'm not comfortable with that right now. I would have preferred to wait to see Lando, eventually I would have talked to him again, but I probably would have texted him at some point. I'm just not very good at apologizing when someone is right in front of me.
I grab a dress from my suitcase and tell Charles I'm going to take a shower. I walk to the bathroom and put my clothes on the sink. I turn on the shower and undress in between while the water gets warm. I step into the shower; my body relaxes at the touch of the warm water. I just stand there for a few minutes without doing anything. But when I feel two arms around my waist, I jump in the air. I didn't even hear the door open because I was lost in my thoughts.
A smile escapes my mouth when we finally - or twenty minutes late - get off the elevator and walk to the restaurant. I wrap my arm around Charles's arm as we walk. He bends a little to the right and kisses my head. I look at the floor as a smile appears on my face.
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And as we get closer to the restaurant, I see Pierre and his girlfriend and Lando and Daniel standing at the entrance. I swallow and gently squeeze Charles's hand when we finally arrive at the group.
Charles lets go of my hand and walks over to Pierre and gives him a quick hug, he does the same to Lando and Daniel. He then walks to Pierre's girlfriend and gives her a side hug and a kiss on her cheek. I stand awkwardly where he left me, not really knowing what to do next. Daniel is the first to walk up to me and puts his arms around my shoulders, pulls me towards him and gives me a hug. I let a laugh escape my mouth and wrap my arms around his waist.
"Long time no see, we should meet more often than once every few weeks." He laughs and takes a step away from me. I smile at him and nod my head.
"Sounds like a plan." I speak.
While I'm still talking to Daniel my eyes fall on the boy standing behind him talking to Charles and Pierre.
I quickly look away and tell Daniel I'm going to Charles. "I'm going to the bathroom quickly," I say as I approach him. I don't even look at Lando when I walk away to go to the bathroom. I should have known that sooner or later this would happen, even though I am very good at ignoring my problems. I need to stop ignoring people I have problems with.
"So, what was going on in there?" I hear someone say as I walk out of the bathroom. I walk over to the sink to wash my hands and look in the mirror. I see Pierre's girlfriend standing behind me with a smile on her face. She looks nice. I've also seen her walking around. Even though Pierre and Charles are best friends, I had never met his girlfriend. I don't even know how to talk to her. I've never had girlfriends to hang out with to talk about anything.
"What do you mean?" I ask. I look at her confused. I don't get what she's talking about. Pierre must have told her that Charles and I are in a relationship, right?
''The eye contact with Lando.'' She speaks.
My confusion only grows. What does she mean by -the eye contact with Lando-. I looked at him for what? two seconds? when everyone greets each other. I didn't find it really special.
''There's nothing special. Lando and I don't really talk to each other." I speak.
''Aren't you friends with each other?'' She questions. I shrug. At the moment I don't know if the friendship between Lando and me still exists.
The conversation falls silent. I wash my hands and dry them. I turn back. "Shall we go back?" She narrows her eyes. "Fine, even though we don't know each other, I still want to know what's going on." She laughs. She walks ahead of me back to the entrance of the restaurant.
I walk over to Charles and give him a kiss on the cheek. "Shall we go?" Daniel says. everyone nods their heads and walks after him. I wanted to put my arm around Charles's, but before I could do that, I was taken away from him and I was replaced by Pierre.
"We weren't done talking yet." The girl wiggles her eyebrows. I narrow my eyes, I thought we already talked about it in the bathroom.
"My name is Kika by the way." She smiles at me. We fall a bit behind the guys who are talking, lost in their own conversation.
''Casandra'' I smile.
"So, tell me. What really happened?" she whispered. I don't understand why because the boys walk far enough in front of us not to hear us.
"I started talking to Lando a few weeks ago as friends. And last weekend something happened, and we got into a fight. We haven't talked since then." I say and shrug my shoulder as if I don't care.
"You were beaten by your uncle, right?" she asks. I give her a small smile and nod my head. I'm not surprised that she knows what happened, the event was seen all over the internet.
"A lot happened that weekend, and I don't know when I'm going to talk about it with Lando and whether we're going to talk about it. It is also possible that things will stay between us as they are now." I say looking a head of me.
She doesn't ask further on the subject. We walk for another ten minutes before we arrive at a restaurant. The evening continues as it began. Everyone talks to each other; we eat and it's good. It's been a long time since I've felt this good with other people around me. Even though Lando and I aren't talking right now, it doesn't make the night any worse. And when everyone is talking to each other I look around with a little smile on my face. I place my hand on Charles' upper leg. He pauses his conversation with Daniel and looks at me with a smile. And at that moment I know for sure that nothing or no one can take this away from me.
