Wolfsbane | Teen Wolf

Chapter 19: Memories

"They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. But the truth is, you knew exactly what you had; you just thought you'd never lose it." – Unknown

xXx

Derek watched in horror at the scene that unfolded. They say your life flashes at the end of your life. For Derek in this moment, his life with Ashley flashed before his eyes. While they may have fought, she still held a big place in his heart. The thought of losing her crushed him.

A kaleidoscope of memories swirled in his thoughts.

Memories of when they first met. Memories at high school where she followed him around.

He recalled the time he found Ashley dancing at school. She had looked around the empty music room and thought there was no one around. She peeked out the hallways and everyone had gone home for the day. Her favorite song was playing on the radio. She removed her shoes and in her bare feet, she started dancing to the melody.

Or the time when he got sick. At first, Ashley had laughed and made fun of him for being a werewolf who caught the flu and got sick. Then she had tried to take care of him and ended up getting sick as well. They had both ended up being in the same room in separate beds. Derek called her silly and she just chuckled at it. At least they were sick together, she said.

Then there was the time when Paige had died, and they shared that moment in silence. And again, when he lost his family and how Ashley comforted him.

There were also memories of her bailing him out in college time and time again. The two of them joking about it after. She would fake complain about it and him teasing her that she would always end up doing it anyways. Her taking care of him. And him replying back with the same phrase each time: "Cause you know you want to."

Derek remembered overhearing her conversation with Laura. Laura had asked Ashley: "Why don't you tell him?" Ashley had replied: "I know he doesn't love me that way. And I, I don't want to lose him."

He even recalled the times when Ashley warned any girl that came close to him and them joking about it. "Ok mom," Derek would remark about it after. Especially because it wasn't anything serious. 

Or that time when Ashley and Derek and Laura were hanging out together. Ashley giving Derek a peck on the cheeks then running away. Derek could sense from her the feelings of excitement and nervousness when she kissed him. And then overhearing her say "I kissed Derek Hale," and giggling like a school girl when she thought she was out of earshot.

As the memories flooded his mind, he began to recall their more recent scenes of estrangement. The time when Ashley came across Jennifer and Derek kissing. The fighting that resulted after.

Scene after scene of Derek pushing her away. Sentence after sentence that crossed the line and hurt Ashley.

And finally watching her disappear before his very eyes.

xXx

In the place where Ashley had disappeared, a weakened Paige had appeared.

After making sure she was alright, Derek turned to Isaac.

"Take care of her. I need to be alone."

Then he ran through the woods, memories of Ashley still fresh on his mind.

He ran and ran. He ran as if the devil was after him. He ran as if it would erase losing Ashley.

He was only now grasping just how much Ashley had been a part of his life. How she was always there. How she knew him the most. And most of all, how Derek had loved Ashley all along.

He had refused to face it. And he only understood it now that she was gone.

After running deep into the woods, he stopped abruptly and collapsed to his knees. He let out a heart-wrenching howl. He never thought he'd lose her. Now that he did, it hurt more than anything he's ever felt.

He howled and howled and fell to the ground. His face towards the sky as the rain started to fall on his face. Slowly, his consciousness drifted into dreams of his wolf dancing with Ashley.