Erm... So... Basically (One Direction Fan Fic)

Chapter 20

Marilyn’s POV

    It’s been 4 days since I’ve talked to Harry, since I’ve seen him, since we kissed on the balcony, and 4 days since all of my feelings showed up to where I thought I knew all of them. Turns out I didn’t. I sat on my bed, then stood by the window, and eventually made my way to the floor, staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t keep still.

Harry was coming over today. I knew this because he gave Lyla the message for me, he didn’t even text me. Texting is the easiest way to avoid personal contact, but I guess even that was too much. I was so nervous for what he was coming over for, to talk about everything I assumed. Worst that could happen would be that we couldn’t be together officially at the moment, which I understood… but something in my gut told me there was more than that. More than this.

    I laid on the floor noticing the color of my room start to change, it was sunset now, and I felt like Harry would be coming soon. I was right.

I heard a car park outside from my window, and sure enough when I looked outside, I saw Harry and Louis making their way out of the vehicle. I noticed Lou continue walking and harry standing nervously, rubbing his face with his palms. I saw him say something to Louis, but I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying, but afterwards he laid his head and torso on the top of car, he seemed extremely stressed and overwhelmed. Lou then walked over to him and patted his back, I could read his lips, he was saying “Come on, let’s go.” Then, Harry found strength to get up.

    I slowly slid down to the ground and set my back to the wall with the window. I took deep breathes as I felt the pace of my heart increase rapidly. The wait for Harry to arrive to my room felt like forever. I played with my wavy hair and tried not to bite my nails.

Then suddenly,

The door opened slightly,

and there stood an exhausted looking Harry Styles.

He was wearing his beanie that matched the color of my green sweatshirt,

no headband underneath to pull the front back, though.

He looked so out of it, his eyes were red… from what seemed like crying… I didn’t like what I was seeing.

I stood up to run and give him a hug,

but he stopped me.

“Don’t.” He said without a stutter, or a hesitation.

I stood somewhat across the room with my mouth opened in shock, what did he mean “don’t”?

“I came here… because I need to tell you something.” He said, clearly holding back tears, no matter how hard he tried to cover it up, I could tell.

I lost oxygen then, I had never been this scared.

He looked me dead in the eyes, he wasn’t acting anxious on the outside, he was trying to act strong.

“Marilyn.”

… Dear god.

“I uh…”

This was some sort of joke. It had to be a joke.

“I can’t see you anymore.” His words flew out.

I stood there in astonishment. With no explanation, he just comes into my room and says that to me? Four nights ago he was confessing all of his feelings for me… now this.

I walked closer to him and tried my best to clear the air,

“Well we were never dating, Harry, and I mean we-“

“No.” He interrupted me. I stopped dead in my tracks and gasped silently in disbelief.

“When I say I can’t see you, Mary, I mean I can’t see you at all. We… we aren’t going to be able to hang out anymore.” His words literally killed me.

Not only did he not want any interest in me as his girlfriend, but he no longer wanted me in his life as a friend, or so it appeared.

I turned my head away from him and started to cry, I tried so hard not to make it a gross sobbing cry, but it turned into that. When I looked back to him, I saw tears streaming down his face as well. What was the reasoning behind this?

“Why?” I asked him.

Silence filled the room.

I was frustrated now, and it became apparent through my cry.

“Harry, TELL ME WHY!!!” I yelled at him hysterically.

He looked down at the ground and sobbed quietly, covering his face with his hands.

“Harry, if this is some sort of plan of yours to do what’s best for me, Stop! I don’t want what’s best for me!!! I want… I want you in my life…” I shouted, then brought my voice down as I concluded my point.

He looked up at me then shut his eyes tightly.

“You… I… we…” He stuttered nervously, then whipped his tears.

I ran to him because I couldn’t wait any longer, and I wrapped my arms around him.

He didn’t move his arms to hug me back, but he did rest his head against mine, and with that I felt he still cared about me, that there was a bigger picture out there to all of this.

I then pulled away and said,

“Fine. I don’t know what this is about, but fine. You win… but I need you to go now. I need you to go now because the longer I look at you, the more it hurts.”

A gentle tear rolled down his cheek as he stood there looking at me, petrified.

When he slowly started to turn towards the door I walked up to him impulsively and spun him to face me, he forced a smile through the cries. I then leaned in and slowly, softly, and placed a kiss on his cheek where the tear fell. He put his hands gracefully on both sides of my waist when I did that.

Indirectly telling me not to give up on him.

“Bye Marilyn.” He whispered into my ear, then made his way out my door.

Bye Harry…

    I ran towards the window after he left and waited for them to leave. It was almost dark now, and the stars were starting to appear sneakily. I looked down to see Harry and Louis making their way into the car, and right before Harry got inside, he looked towards my window, and waved a sad goodbye. He didn’t see me inside, since you couldn’t see through from the outside, which only made my heart melt more.

    That’s when it hit me.

I ran over to my nightstand beside my bed and picked up the lyrics to my new single. I stared at the finished words Harry had started, I read them through and thought about myself. The song was about me.

I went back to the words LA Reid said to me in the studio,

“Not every song has to be about you, Marilyn, and you may not always have a connection with it at first, it’s about stepping out of your comfort zone to discover something even better than before.”

This song was beautiful, it was, but it was missing something. I wasn’t supposed to sing these lyrics about myself, it just didn’t seem right. This wasn’t the “connection” I needed, I needed a stronger one.

And I had one.

My single wasn’t going to be about me anymore,

but I knew exactly who it was going to be about.