i'll always find you

CHAPTER 11

BUCKY

"Looks like you won't be needing these anymore." A man says as he rips the dog tag with Lizzie's name off my neck. "No.." I say still feeling weak from the sedative I just woke up from, "NO!" I scream again this time using all my strength, he grabs my chin aggressively, "you have been very difficult, but you will comply."

"No. No." I snap, "I don't care what you do, I will never." He just laughs as he puts the dog tag in his pocket, "you will in good time soldat. And soon you won't even remember this Elizabeth." He smiles as he walks away leaving me alone and trapped to the table like an object. "No! NO! You bitch! Give it back! GIVE IT BACK! THAT'S MINE! GIVE IT BACK!" I scream feeling an intense anger.

I don't know how long it's been but eventually two men approach me and release me from the operating table, they sit me up as I try to escape their grasp but they are to strong. They drag me to a room with Zola standing by some kind of chair or machine. "We're ready to begin. He will be Hydra's greatest success."

"No..nooo." I protest as I try again to escape but before I can do anything the agents holding me hostage strap me down to the chair, it has some kind of halo thing above it, it seems to be some kind of machine. "What is this?" I ask Zola as firmly as I can, I will not be weak. I will escape here and get back to Lizzie to Steve. Zola smiles, "you'll see...well actually you won't...since you won't remember."

I again feel an overwhelming sense of panic at his words, "what?" He just smiles, "none of our injections have worked, you've been very resistant to our programming the last few months so I came up with a solution." I shake my head, "No...you can't...I won't serve you..." Zola suddenly presses a button, and I hear a whirling noise- electricity. Oh my god..what..what are they going to do..are they...going to mess with my brain... before I can think of anything else I feel an intense pain. Pain like nothing else...my brain feels like it's on fire...I can't even think straight.

The pain stops suddenly and I feel weird...like...something is missing. "What is your name?" A man asks me, I don't remember him at first but after a minute I do..Zola...Hydra..they are trying to control me...no...nooo..what are they doing to me? "What is your name?" He repeats. "James..Bucky..Barnes." I say trying to hold onto my identity with everything I have.

"Wipe him again." Zola orders, before I can protest I feel the pain again... "What is your name?" The man asks "Bucky..Bucky Barnes." He sighs, "again." Lizzie...Steve...no...nooo..no I can't forget them....Lizzie...my love...

The pain continues again and again I can't remember how long I've been in this chair, every time they wipe me they also tell me things. You have no name, your a soldier....you belong to Hydra....you do whatever we say... each time I believe it more, as I feel the chair taking away me piece by piece.

"What is your name?" A man asks me, I can't think...I don't know the answer to his question.do I have a name?..I...I "I don't know." I answer, as the man kneels down in front of me, "correct, you don't have a name. You are our soldat, you are loyal to Hydra." I nod, I can't remember anything so I believe him. "Why..why can't I remember?" I ask, "you were malfunctioning, the chair fixes that..but it can leave you confused..but don't worry soldat, there's nothing to remember." I nod before I feel blackness pulling me in.

~

Training, I train all day to the point of exhaustion. Guns, knives, hand to hand, everything. But I don't complain...I don't think...I just comply. "Soldat, can you tell me what this is?" One of my handlers asks me as he pulls out what looks to be a necklace or a dog tag, he hands it to me and I see the name on it-Elizabeth Kate Belflower it lists some other info like a birthday. I stare at it for a minute...my mind is like a fog...I can feel something there...this dog tag has triggered something deep..but I can't quite remember. "No." I say blankly as I hand it back to him, I don't ask questions, I never do. "Good." The man says smiling, as he leads me back to the chair, I feel this sense of fear and dread every time I see this chair...I know it will cause me pain, but I don't fight back..I'm lost. The pain begins as my mind melts.

~

Months later

"Soldat, we have a mission for you." I nod as the man leads me into the open floor part of this base. I stand there waiting for orders as suddenly a girl is dragged in, "let me go!" She yells as two agents are holding her hostage, she suddenly stops yelling as she spots me, she looks like she's in shock. "Bu-Bucky? You're..you're alive? How? Oh my god!" She asks. I don't respond not understanding who's she's referring to.

"Kill her." The man orders me, I pull my gun out of my holster and point it at the girl. "Bucky? What are you doing? It's me...its Rebecca..." She says with tears, I ignore her comments as I get ready to pull the trigger, I don't understand why she's talking to me like this. "What did they do to you? We thought you were dead..Lizzie and Steve oh my god! You're alive, we have to go home! James please what did they do to you?" She's full on sobbing now, I don't respond as my gun is still pointed at her.

"What did you do to him?" The girl asks one of the agents, "we took his mind and molded it to our liking, he will do anything we want. He will comply no matter what, he's our ultimate weapon. We saved him after he fell from that train and we made him into something better." The agent says with a smile. I don't understand what he's talking about or who this girl is, but it doesn't matter. This is my mission.

"Bucky, I'm so sorry..oh god. You don't remember at all, I can see it in your eyes. Oh god." She says starting to cry, having enough of her lies, I pull the trigger the bullet hits her square in the head I watch as she falls lifelessly to the ground as she's soon surrounded by a puddle of her own blood. "Well done, soldat." I nod not feeling anything.

Two agents grab me around the arms as they drag me back to the chair, "he succeeded the brainwashing is a success, he didn't remember his sister at all. The mission was completed." One of the men says but before I can think anything the familiar pain fills my mind as the memories from the last few hours melt away.

~
"Put him on ice." A man orders, I suddenly feels arms under mine, I feel a little dazed from the chair as they drag me into another room. Wires are hooked up to me as I realize I'm in some kind of machine. The door suddenly closes and I reach my hand up towards the little window in the glass, frost starts to cover my metal hand. I suddenly notice how cold it is, but before I can think I suddenly feel an overwhelming sleepiness and everything goes black.

A/N- this was so hard to write :( I wish Marvel explored his past more but it would break my heart.