Kyle Atop Mount Silverheels

Kyle & Anton vs. The Cardboard Cooperatives

"Anton isn't a jerk! Anton is awesome, in fact...he's gonna swoop in and save Kyle!"

After seeing Kyle getting his little ass completely whooped by some dude in cardboard, Anton's heart swelled with empathy for his fallen soldier.
He hated Kyle with a burning passion, but if he let him get taken out by some bisexual dude covered in powdered sugar then there would be no more jokes about his mom, or his Jewish heritage, or his ginger hair—Anton absolutely had to do something.

So he swooped in front of Kyle to mask what would have been the final blow to him with blue hat dude's ice sword.

And the sword struck the inside of Anton's ass crack.

"OW! GET THIS THING OUTTA HYAH!" Anton screamed—not in a wimpy way, it just really hurt.

"Cartman—I mean Anton, you came back for me!" Kyle admired his hero, holding back tears.

But the battle was not over yet... Anton had been stabbed and it seems that the guy in the orange parka might've already been exposed to Anton's yummy farts and was therefore immune!
He rose from the melted ice and drew forth his soggy sword which he tried to freeze using the floor!

But it was like dipping a soggy chip in more salsa so the tip fell off.

But when the tip fell off it became even sharper and he raised his sword pointing it towards the very top of the mountain and it froze gloriously glittering in the blizzard!

Orange dude gave a muffled maniacal laugh: "MMMHHHM MMMMHMMM MMMHMMMM!"

Kyle looked around like one of those lucky charm scenes in Miraculous Ladybug for something to do and he was only left with one option:

"This will only hurt a lot, Anton!" Kyle exclaimed as he swiftly plunged his hand into Anton's rear end and pulled out the sword, unsheathing it from his ass like it was King Arthur's legendary sword Excalibur!

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!" Anton cried keeling over in pain.

Blue hat dude was clearly taken aback and pretty traumatized, but it seemed that the orange parka dude had seen worse on LiveLeak using Kyle's computer as he was completely unfazed.

It was then that both Kyle and Anton realized the true power that orange guy had: endurance.

He lifted his parka to reveal rippling abs, faint scars, and dark healed over lacerations. He's felt all pain and seen just about everything like a senior Walmart employee.

"MMMMPHH MM MMMMMM!!" He yelled, which would roughly translate to:

"COME AT ME!!"

Kyle and orange dude stepped towards each other with the stride of those JoJo characters in that one meme (I don't watch anime)
They had a bit of a Mexican standoff where Kyle was staring him down, hands numb, with blood and melted ice coming down his hand from his frozen cardboard sword, and orange dude was cracking every bone in his body: his knuckles, his individual fingers one by one, and then ended by cracking his neck with a little neck roll.

They squinted at each other with furrowed brows similar to the way Samurai Jack does when he sees an injustice before fiercely striking!

CLANG!

CLANG!

Their swords clashed against each other with the kind of clanging you would only expect to hear at a construction site.

CLANG!

CLANG CLANG CLANG!!!

Oooo somebody took their fencing classes.