Kyle Atop Mount Silverheels

Kyle & Anton Join Forces!

Author's note: I'm wondering whether or not to just publish all the chapters at once because it's already written and up on ao3 anyways. When does the clout start happening? I'll keep you posted.

Y'see, Kyle has a pretty big ego that grows larger in size each time that he's right about something (which to be fair is a lot, hence why he pisses me off so much), but if that ego reaches a certain level his head will get too big and well, he just might die.

"Nyaow nyaow, Kahl, you're wrong," the troll mumbled feigning concern for Kyle's stupid health.

"Alright, then what's the real answer?"
Troll froze.
"meeeeh," the troll whispered.
"That's what I thought," Kyle shoved passed the troll elbowing him pretty hard in his pretty pectorals.
"Ow, wait, KAHL!"
The troll stumbled on the sheet of ice laid underneath the snow from the recent sleet South Park has been getting.
Before he was about to fall, Kyle caught him and they made direct eye contact.
Kyle started coughing like he's been smoking since the age of four, a super raspy exasperated cough right at his face.
It sounded kinda like that scene in the 2004 Spongebob movie when they reached Shell City and they were left to dry under a scorching lamp.
"Aww man," he growled, scowling and holding back tears like that troll he was holding was an onion.
Which was actually quite indicative of what he was going to say next:

"You smell like shit."

"You're holding shit," the troll replied aptly with a shit-faced grin.

Kyle made the kind of face that an ice cream tester makes when it tastes less overrun than the run of the mill and scoops like a dream.
"Touché," he replied, sounding a little giggity like Quagmire.

He finally pulled up the troll fully and that troll really couldn't shake the determination in Kyle's orbs.

"Orbs."

"Did I make your skin crawl?"

Stan and Kenny shuttered; Stan leaned away from the fire which made his face disappear into the darkness like the headless horseman and Kenny tucked his face away in his hood.
Kenny's hoodie strings were practically as abused as he is by this point, but it was Cartman Campfire Time so he had to endure.

Cartman continued his story:

"What do I call you anyway, you stanky troll?" Kyle chuckled, partly out of annoyance that he was following him like a duckling, but two parts pitiful endearment, and I'd like to think that counts for something!

"Eh, you can call me anytime," The troll haphazardly threw out without any thought of consequence which was 'as per usual' according to Kyle though.
That troll's lack of rizz was so horrible it could give the Cupid himself a stroke, and evidently—Kyle a stroke.

"Ok, Anytime!"

"No, wait! Don't call me that! Call me Gandalf!" The troll pleaded.

But it was too late. Kyle had already sunken his dirty shit green gloves into that name and only made a slight modification before running away with it like a bride and groom into the sunset.
"Alright, Anton, what are you following me around for?"

"I need to tell you something about Miss Silverheels!"

"You mean Mount Silverheels?"

"No, she's returned!"

"What?"

"Be careful, Kale. We can't get her angry."

"What happens when she's angry?"

Anton tried to say something but it came out in fragmented ugly sobs that sounded like Pops from Regular Show.
The resemblance made Kyle howl, screaming and wheezing with sudden laughter; he then started whimpering like a sad puppy and started slapping his knee super hard like Anton was telling him that he was going to Shell City.

"That's hilarious," Kyle choked out, cartoonishly wiping a single tear from one of his eyes using his index finger.

Then he had a little bit of a groaning fit because when you laugh too hard it can really hurt. Sounded like Stan's dad on the toilet taking a HOTHOTHOT! Or maybe even just Peter Griffin after falling down the stairs again.

When he was finally finished laughing at Anton and mopping up his tears of hysteria he finally said what he needed to say: "I'm not afraid of her."

Anton paused before making a mock offended look at Kyle.
"Is it because she's a lady?"

"No dumb ass, it's because I've been up this mountain countless times and a psychic communicating mountain is way scarier than someone who looks like they go to work with your mom!" Kyle shook with anger.

"Alright, jeez dude, don't say I didn't warn yaw," Anton mumbled.

They continued to trudge up the mountain with fiery courage, determination, and wet dirty socks and hot ankles let me tell ya.
The combined forces of Kyle and his new frenemy Anton who he met upon the mountain were surely unstoppable.

"Who goes there?" A wimpish voice quivered.

Kyle and Anton stopped in their tracks and looked up at the path ahead of them, there stood two figures buried in the flakes of the flurry, hardly visible from the darkness of the early morning.
Despite being almost completely shrouded, Kyle and Anton were able to pick up details of their silhouettes and their wimpy weapons flopping like cowardly wieners, cocks even.

It was some bisexual dude in a blue and red hat with a brown jacket. He had cardboard horns attached to his head with his floppy weapon also made out of soggy freezing cardboard.
He brought a friend with similar taped-on appendages: a dude in an orange parka and skinny jeans that were skinny enough to make Paris Hilton wish she was skinnier.

The two made for a pretty non threatening duo in Kyle and Anton's opinion so they nodded at each other in agreement to kick their asses back to Timbuktu.

It all started with a left hook.

(و •̀ ᴗ•́ )و((⊂('ω'∩)

Then a right one.

(ง'̀-'́)-• (#*v*)

Then Kyle got all flustered and frustrated and made out a little with the bisexual dude.

(ง¬.¬)งᕦ(˵ ͡~‿‿ ͡°˵)ᕥ

"What?!" Stan chuckled.

"Husshhshsh," Cartman hushsshed Stan.

Kyle paused for a second and looked in his eyes before he took his fist out again and punched him in the balls in a way that left an imprint of his fist like a clay animator after fucking up a shot.

Great, now he can't get girls ever again.

This Charlie Brown Christmas special looking mother fucker got so mad that he put his cardboard cut out type weapon against the floor and used the powdered sugar to freeze it into an ice sword.

Kyle made a face that instantly told Anton he was mortified.

Too bad Anton couldn't help him, while Kyle was having his whole couple's kerfuffle, Anton was ripping absolute ass like he ate a bag of Taco Bell and then some.

Blue hat dude's homeless henchman was out cold with the ice melting around his lifeless body, Anton's farts were just that damn toasty.

"MMMPH!" Kenny muffled feeling insulted.

"I agree with Kenny, I feel like the Cardboard Cooperatives would put up a better fight than that!" Stan added.

"You gave them a team name? I haven't even named them yet, you guys!"

"Well we sure like them a lot more than Anton; Anton sounds like a jerk."

"MMM!"

"Anton isn't a jerk! Anton is awesome, in fact...he's gonna swoop in and save Kyle!"