B E N (drowned x reader)

I don't want to admit

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My pride keeps me silent all throughout the day, although I can't deny that I slept much better last night. I barely remember any of it, except for a strangely vivid dream where I was running in an open field during a thunderstorm. I felt the rain wash over me, and it only stimulated me to move faster. I wasn't running from anything, I was running for the pure joy of running.

My perspective of BEN has changed since last night as well. He was obviously different than anyone I've ever met, and in a way that basically spits on my hope to live a normal life. Sometimes I go to sleep asking myself things that I've never even thought of changing. Do I want to live a normal life? Do I want to buy time until the right opportunity which might never happen strikes? Is this the opportunity?

I don't want to admit that I feel better whenever I talk to BEN.
I don't want to admit that he's helped me sleep.
I don't want to admit that he's become my friend.
I don't even want to think about the peace and happiness I feel whenever he visits and we talk face to face.

No. I'm not even going to go there, not with him watching. I've already gone far enough.
"Why's your face red, (y/n)?" BEN's voice feigns innocence through the PC.
"It's stuffy in here. I'm going to go downstairs."
"Suuuure... what happens when I follow you and see your face is still red?"
"It won't be."
"We'll see, won't we?"

I walk downstairs and into the living room to see my mother talking with a TV repairman.
"I don't know what the problem is, m'am. Everything's working fine."
"But whenever we want to turn to the news it cuts off... none of my friends have this problem."
"I don't know what to tell you. Your TV's fine."
My mother mutters some words to herself, and then gives the repairman some money. The repairman leaves and my mother notices me. "Oh! (y/n), you have a PC. Could you see what's happening on the news? My friends are acting all worried about something and I'm thinking it's something too sensitive for them to talk about."
"Sure, I'll go."

I head upstairs and try to turn the PC but I'm stopped by BEN.

"Don't try to look."

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