Attention!
How can I ask you to save me from myself?
I'm trying to shut out all these terror,
Can you help me quiet the voices inside my head?
Screaming back at these voices to-
STOP! STOP! PLEASE STOP!
"She's crazy",
"She's only doing it for attention",
Great, now the voices aren't just in my head,
People are calling me crazy too-
I used to have dreams, I don't remember them clearly, but-
I was a little girl with big dreams, Guess those dreams have now become nightmares to me,
Cause I can't help but worry about how farther away I am from achieving 'em-
Everyone keeps saying "I'm here for you" but it feels like no one's here,
Don't ask me if I'm ok, if you don't have the power to make me ok!
I'm alone, I feel so alone, all alone,
Every progress seems like a regress,
I'm finding it hard to breathe, my heart hurts,
It hurts! It hurts!
It hurts so much!
It hurts! I don't want to go through this anymore! It hurts so bad! I'm tired!
It hurts! I'm not strong enough for this!
I'm in so much pain,
I'm so tired God, how do I leave without dying?
How do I die without "trying"?
This thick red liquid pouring out my fickle skin- bruises forming from cuts I've made,
like tattoos, unfading on my skin,
"It's for attention", that's what they keep saying, "she's doing it for attention"! but they don't know how much I'm suffering, they can't see my swollen eyes and broken skin,
Maybe they did, but still choose to ignore-yelling "It's for attention!"
Is it? if that's what it'll take to finally get noticed, Then Yes, Yes it is,
It is for "attention"!
Maybe one day they'll finally notice this burden and take them off for me,
It feels like dying over and over only to end up not dead, I question my existence-
Gaslighting myself , "it's not that bad",
"It's bearable, I'm probably just over reacting",
But I'm in so much pain, it hurts!
it hurts so bad,
I can't keep up with this fake facade anymore-
Please help me!
I hope my "I'm sorrys" get to you,
I pray my "help me's!" reach their ears,
This isn't your type of "attention",
It's a cry for help,
It's desperation, I'm eager to make you catch a glimpse of my pain,
my sorrows, my sadness-
insecurities and darkness,
So please, give me "Attention".
~💜Ronnie.
24/05/23
7:33pm
