Tw!: SA, SH, rape, suicide, ED, mental illnesses
Trembling hands, forcing smiles
Hi's and hello's,
Love that mellows,
Whites and yellows,
Rotten fellows, notice the echoes?
She's just getting to her first stage of angst,
Ichi (first stage)
Do you know what living with pain feels like?
It's saying i'm fine and lots of yes's to
How are you feeling and are you ok questions?
It's answering No's to-
Do you need help? questions,
It's letting go of hands that'll pull you up,
So they don't let go first,
A race to/for life, but it's just her on the track,
Still she'll never win, cause she'll always be against her self, Never having enough confidence to get to the finish line, the closer she gets, the farther it becomes,
Ni (second stage)
You'll see her wear colorful cloths cause her mind's already a dark place,
No need to show what's inside of her with her dressing,
Hiding, pretending, manifesting,
False image of herself,
She'll never have a mind of her own,
"They'll say!", "They said!",
She'll fail herself to please strangers,
San (third stage)
They're all seeing her, but no one's paying attention, Is it so hard to notice?
They're gonna hear her but no one'll understand,
Making up standards for herself,
Ones no one else can reach,
Real life documented as fiction,
Gonna need more than a dictionary to find out the meaning of this thing called life,
Yon (fourth stage)
Prices and prejudice,
Big girls cry, big girls hurt, big girls spoil,
Pants forced down her legs,
Outfits roughly taken off her body,
Accusing fingers pointed towards her direction,
She "baited, enticed, lured and tempted",
"NO" was her cry that fell on deaf ears,
Ruined image, broken hymen,
Costly prejudice, she'll never recover,
Go (fifth stage)
Let's make our voices louder,
Get that attention they claim "she's doing it for",
Open up new routes on skin,
Gobble up grilled snacks till it's hard to feel,
Keep going, till you reach a gag,
Four fingers down her throat,
Spit it up and repeat the cycle,
Blades, barf, cuts, burn,
Live, laugh, hurt, loss,
Roku (sixth stage)
Feeling at loss with herself,
She's religious with no faith,
Demons on both shoulders,
Telling her to "nick" herself,
"Everyone'll be better without you",
Sirens blaring loudly, caution tape around her,
Murder case cause she's dead inside,
Shichi (seventh stage)
She has now become a shadow of herself,
Loss of new things, gone are the days of "justs",
She's got to adapt to her new "life",
Her new "Angst",
Hachi (eight stage)
Stuck in the moments of pain, past.
Like a bird, she takes a leap from her window,
Eight stories high, spreading her wings,
But she didn't have wings,
It was her arms she spread wide,
Landing head first,
That was the closest to the gates she'd ever be,
Humans on blue, volume on high,
Even "leaving" was hard,
Why wouldn't they just let her go-
Kyuu (ninth stage)
She no longer lived, just existed,
New goals everyday,
Now she's fading, she's turned a memory,
A memory of traumas-
Including sufferings from her past-
Visibly pasted on her face-
Several attempts,
like a prey approaching its predator,
A living deceased'.
Juu (tenth stage)
Sorrows and anger, hatred, terrible temper,
Transfer of aggression, tired, no motivation,
Lazy, no trial and error,
Goals are an outreach,
Empty existence, writing death notes too,
Ink on paper, black cover, HV lines,
Angst cause she's now her own prey and predator, harming herself with words and daggers,
Never saying a word of prayer,
Hiding from Jehovah,
Guilt, shame, fear,
Both hands on her head, "mogbe",
Billion voices echoing, Which is the truth?
No faith in herself,
She doesn't expect you to have in her either,
She knows she's less than a zero,
All these are her stages of Angst, she may never recover.
~💜Ronnie.
17/07/23-13/09/23
