The Troubles from Monsters and Men (The Secret of Moonacre Fanfiction)

The Pain of Blame and Self Loathing

When Robin finally awoke, Henry, Richard, and David were cutting him free from his bonds. Jane was holding his head off the ground. He sputtered, coughing on a bitter liquid Lizzy just tried to trickle down the corner of his mouth. It stung his dry and cracked lips. His body ached all over. His head hurt more than ever before. Off to the side, Cat and Bast were ushering nosy students away.

Lizzy tried to give him more medicine, but Robin pushed her hand away. He struggled to sit up. The whites of his eyes were red with blood. There was an open wound on the side of his head. A giant bruise crossed his cheek. Rope burns marred his face and body. He tried to stand, but his legs were weak and his vision grew blurry. He fell and was barely caught by his friends who muttered some curses.

"Stop being an arse and take the bloody drink," Richard scowled, but Robin didn't listen. His sole focus was finding Maria.

"You damn fool," Henry cursed. He grabbed Robin's arms from behind and David held his head up. Richard then forced the drink down his mouth.

Robin struggled against his friends, but he had no strength in him and forcefully gulped the drink. When they finally let him go, he fell on all fours and tried to spit out what was left in shuddering coughs. Someone patted his back. In a few minutes, the pain began to decrease, allowing him to regain some of his senses.

"What happened?" Lizzy asked, trying to mask the fear in her voice. 'Where's Maria?"

Robin couldn't look them in the eyes. Tears well in his eyes with a sharp sting. One cleared a trail down his bloody cheek. "She took her," he rasped. "I couldn't do anything against that damned bird!" He slammed his fists on the ground. "She used me!" Robin's guttural cry sent chills through his friends. "I was nothing more than a damned puppet!"

He stood up on shaky feet. Step by step, he staggered forwards, ignoring his friends' cries for him to stop; he couldn't hear them. All he heard were Maria's screams. Then he fell once more. Robin clenched his fists. He lost her. Again. Could he do anything right? He was a dolt. An idiot. A sore excuse for a man. Maria deserved better.

'If only she'd never met me.'

His mind stilled. Then a piercing ring shot in his ears. Robin's eyes widened.
That was it! His last words as the curse hit him. He didn't wish to forget her, he cursed she'd ever met him.

The ache in his head swelled. The negative thoughts overwhelmed him with a searing pain, trying to counter his awakening and fool him into thinking this was all his fault; but Robin knew now.

It was never his fault but that of his stupid ancestors and God-forsaken monsters. He would have never wished to forget her, though at the time he regretted she ever met him; but he knew now how wrong he was. Then he heard Loveday's words; reminding him to forgive himself and understand he only did what he thought was right. He reminded himself that despite it all, Maria loved him, and he loved her.

No, he'd never wish to forget her, not now, not ever. If anything, his only wish was to get rid of all those who tried to hurt her—and by God was he going to do everything within his life to help her. Even if it meant giving up his life.

The pounding in his head swelled like he was getting crushed under the weight of a thousand moons. Robin let out a terrible scream. Seconds felt like hours as wave after wave, an onslaught of shattering agony coursed through his body with every memory that forced itself into his head. Robin felt his world falling apart. He heard voices—insults mixed with praises; words of affection mixed with violence; of hatred mixed with love. Robin screamed and fell to his knees, the pain now stretching down his neck, a shearing heat erupted from the scar on his back, as though his flesh were being ripped from his body. Robin felt like he was being flayed alive.