This Summer

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

His eyes met with mine and for a second I almost forgot I was surrounded by my family. It was just Blaine, and me.

"Blaine-"

"Forget it Shawna, it's not worth it."

I noticed the attention shifted between us both, confused looks were scattered on everybody's faces.

"I just came to see if you were okay." His eyes flickered between me and everybody surrounding the hospital bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine... I think." I replied looking down, seeing him here only resurfaced the guilt I had felt since I had told him I wasn't pregnant, but now it seems all this time I had been lying to myself, and telling him the truth was going to be even more tricky than I already could imagine.

Ashley elbowed me in the ribs and I winced, she whispered 'sorry' in my ear.

"That's good, I was, I was... worried."

You could see clearly that he was hiding his emotions well but I knew that his eyes would always let him down. I wanted to scream at him 'kiss me' but I knew this would not make the situation better. I longed for his touch. The touch that spread fire through my veins and quickened the beating of my heart, but I knew I had extinguished the fire with my pride a long time ago.

"I really think I should take arm bands with me next time." I laughed awkwardly and Ashley forced a smile. "But thanks for stopping by."

"It's okay, as soon as I heard I could only blame myself."

"Don't be silly, it was nobody's fault."

"Nobody's fault?" Ashley interrupted, breaking our conversation, "just you wait until I find that no good little skank."

"Ashley!" My mother exclaimed, "Although I have to agree with you." She added.

"She's in police custody, Frankie messaged me." Will added.

"That's quite enough I'm sure we'll talk about this when we arrive back home and Shawna is feeling better." My mother decided now was not the time for a dispute on the right and wrong doings of Bethan.

"Anyway Shawna's got way bigger things to worry about now" Max laughed emphasising the word 'big' clearly referring to the fact I was pregnant.

"Max!" Atlanta and Brad chimed, Max looked away, this really wasn't the time or place to be making jokes.

Blaine frowned. "What bigger things?"

Everybody looked at one another each too scared to speak first.

"Shawna's..." Brad started for me.

"Well she's kind of..." Ashley trailed off.

"I mean it's not one hundred percent certain." I blurted scared that somebody else may admit this 'big' problem. Blaine locked eyes with me once more and he threw his hands up.

"You have got to be kidding me?"

"Actually-" Max sniggered but was cut off by Blaine.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me? I come here worried to find that you're all trying to carry on the joke, well nice one guys, Shawna already told me so give it up. I don't get what's so funny about it? yeah, I thought it was true ha-ha very funny, please go and get a new hobby. Shawna, I really thought you were being honest this time, but clearly I have been mistaken for a fool once again."

Blaine stormed out of the room and slammed the door, everyone's heads turned towards me but my gaze was focused on Blaine furiously storming further away from the room before he disappeared around the corner.

"Shawna, I think you have a lot of explaining to do." Ashley said turning towards me.

I ignored her, I ignored everyone. With out thinking I detached the hospital machinery from my body that quick I knew nobody would be able to stop me and I ran. My eyes scanned the hospital searching for the exit signs after every turn. I could hear my mother and sister calling my name from the distance but I just blocked out the sound of worry escaping their lips.

I needed to find Blaine, this summer had been a whirlwind of emotions and events which are going to impact the rest of my life. I clutched my stomach and realised I wanted this baby, the piece of my summer, and a piece of our love. I wanted us, I may be young to know about love but I'd rather learn to love with the man who makes my day that little easier and a whole lot brighter than wait until I am old and grey and realise this opportunity may turn into something which could have been.

I was wrong about this summer, I was wrong about tans and the home made iced lemonade and the romances that would fizzle out come winter. You can't predict your summers, not one of them is the same. Your summer is what you create it to be. The decisions you make sew together your winters and your springs.

This decision was going to sew together a path I had not expected my life to take at eighteen, going on nineteen.

I burst out of the hospital, my head was fuzzy but I spotted Blaine jumping into his car. I ran and ran, my legs ached and the stitch stabbed at my side.

I grabbed the side of his car, the top was down and he frowned at me, the tears flowed from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Was all I repeated until words turned into whispers.

He grabbed my hand and kissed me upon my chapped lips.

"I am going to miss you Shawna, God damn you have killed me. I have to go, I have to go until I can bring myself to forgive you. I am the one who's sorry Shawna but remember I will always love you."

He kissed me once again on my forehead and I slumped onto the concrete car park until he drive out of sight. I sobbed. Ashley's arms collided with my body and she sobbed with me; smothering me with hugs as I inhaled her Chanel perfume. My mother caught up and pulled us both in, tight to her chest,kissing the tops of our heads like when she kissed us goodbye before school.

This is my summer.

My family, my friends my love and loss. They all added to my journey in life.

What's yours?