Fyozai stuff idk

dozay gives fydoor a gift!??!?

"ohh fedyaa~!! look what i got you!!" dazai cheerfully shouts from across the room, fyodor on the couch reading a book that wasn't the bible for once

dazai had just gotten home from an eventful day at work, well not really eventful he didnt do anything at work other than annoying his easily angered partner and playing guessing games with ranpo rather than doing any of his paperwork or reports which kunikida rightfully so shouted at him to do

he has a neatly tied gift box, which was just a beaten up box with some rope tied in a gift box like manner just to make it look the part, whatever was inside was probably either broken or just dissipated at that point seeing as how the box was so beaten up

"oh? and what is your gift to me and why are you giving me one, if i may ask?" fyodor says, uninterested in what dazai had, not even giving dazai a glance as the bandaged man practically glided towards fyodor the beaten box in hand, he had a large grin on his face excitement basically apperant as he was shaking from it

fyodor finally looked up from his book to see dazai holding the box towards fyodor, jabbing it forward for the man to take it. fyodor sighs and places the book he was reading down next to him and takes the box, not questioning why it looks like that and untying the rope

"yknow i untied my noose and used it to tie that up! thats how special you are to me~!" dazai giggles then immediately adds "also i need it back! thanksss!!" he takes the rope as soon as fyodor unties it and fyodor gives him a deadpanned look then sets his gaze on the box

he opens it up and sees the sight of still fresh blood, he doesnt know why that hadnt seeped out of the box but whatever and his eyes land on the dead blue jay inside it, he squints his eyes then looks back at dazai who still had that excited grin on his face waiting for fyodor to say something to him

"what the hell is this?" fyodor grimaces as he takes the dead birds wing and lifts it up to dazai

"WILL YOU BE THE MORDECAI TO MY TWILIGHT!?!" dazai bursts out as he launches as fyodor and gives him a gigantic hug, fyodor almost passes out because his anemic ass cant handle that much force (idk i did minimal research on anemia and i cant take myself to do anymore research😔) and he drops the dead bird and it lands on the couch, specifically on the book he was reading earlier.

"what the fuck!? get off of me you heathen!" fyodor yells out as he tries to get dazai off of him and for a skinny basically skeleton man he had a really tight and strong grip

"nope~! now answer my question!! will you?!?" dazai laughs out as he hugs fyodor tighter

"what the hell is a mordecai and what the hell is a twilight!? there i answered! now get! off! of! me!" fyodor shouts and he can feel dazai loosen his death grip hug and he breaths in a desperate breath

"EHHH!?!! for someone whos on his computer 24/7 you dont know who mordecai and twilight is!?!?!" dazai says as he takes fyodors shoulders and shake him

fyodor who was now getting dizzy kicks dazai in the stomach and the brunette lands on his ass with an "oof!" sound and a offended "hey!"

"im on my computer being an info broker and hacking into databases! i dont have time to search whatever a mordecai or twilight is!" fyodor says as he glares down at dazai who was getting up and rubbing his ass because of the unnecessary pain it had been inflicted on

"well you reallt should, fedya! its so important to internet history!!" dazai says offended that fyodor genuinely didnt know what mordetwi was "if youd have known what it was you wouldve already given a clear answer by now.." dazai sighs and fyodor looks irritatingly at him whispering some silent curses in russian, he would have to repent and pray to the lord to forgive him for this later but right now he was mad that dazai had almost caused him to pass out because of his stupidly tight hug and incessant shaking of him

"like i said i do not have time for such a thing as internet history." fyodor says as he pinches the bridge of his nose, eyebrows furrowing as he looks at dazai who was sullenly looking at the floor

"but..will you still answer my question?" dazai looks up at fyodor who now had a disgusted look on his face as dazai put held both his hands together clenching hard on each hand and pleadingly looked at fyodor

fyodor sighs in exasperation as his face softens and lets out an apology in russian

"yes, dazai. i would like to be the mordecai to your twilight." fyodor finally says and then gets jumped again with another hug, cue fyodor yelling at dazai to let go of him again and dazai crying tears of joy

after allat dazai takes fyodors hand and drags him to fyodor's computer room with a bunch of monitors and teaches him allllll about internet history and fyodor listened unwillingly because dazai had him trapped so he couldnt escape, hah! the cat finally trapping the ever so fleeing rat.

the endd~~~~~~

got this idea when i went thru my headcanons for fyozai and like read the dazai gifting fyodor a dead bird so yeahhhh<333 quite proud that this actually reached 900 words actually..yeh thats it byebyesssss;)))