Loved and Lost

Settling In

Before we got back to our new living quarters, Kida grabbed us some food from the common area. I'm still trying to get used to this place but what caught my eye was the salmon. When Kida came back to me with a couple of plates in hand and just barely carrying what I assume is mead, my eyes and nose just couldn't stay away. I didn't even care about changing my fur armor or that everyone was staring at me. My appetite has been almost non-existent for the most part. I'm surprised it came back when Kida popped out those squirrels.

Since my encounter with Baldyr, I've been pretty quiet. I'm overthinking everything all at once. Nothing inside will shut up and it's almost too much to handle but I don't know what to do about it. You know she can't be here". I mean, what does that even mean? It was like he was staring into my soul with those sapphire blue eyes. Like he knew my every secret. It was obvious that he made some sort of connection back there and I'm not sure if it's good or back.

Kida and I are back at our space now, we had to leave Baldyr's room and head up the stairs in front of his door. The salmon smells divine but I kind of miss the squirrel and apple kabobs. They were so simple, and Kida had skinned the little guys so perfectly. We enter the room that's sealed by another stone door and immediately we place our food and mead down on a stone table that's just smaller than Baldyr's.

For the most part, my eyes have scanned the upper half of the room. There's one chandelier in the middle of the ceiling, holding eight candles. Maple wood beam case every other fifteen feet around the chandelier, making it its centerpiece.

When I bring my eyes down though, I settle on the fur carpet only a couple of feet away from us. I take a seat on a bench and Kida follows right beside me. Only a few inches from me, and it;s so close that I can feel her even when I pay her no mind.

Everything goes numb. Everything that I've felt up until now starts to boil over and it begins to become too much for me, leading me into a panic and sob.

Kida puts her arm around me, shushing me and swaying me back and forth. It's nice, I'll admit, but it doesn't stop all of the emotions that are crashing down around me. Not to mention, the fur carpet looks identical to the one I had at home. It stays in the exact same place. Right. . . In front of the fireplace. I try to open my eyes but they burn from the tears. Kida wipes them, and that brings me to look at her. For a brief moment, I feel everything just goes numb. The noise. The panic. The fear. Everything just fades away when our eyes meet.

I know the moment passes when she flinches, it's barely a flinch but I see it. Does she know that I saw it? She starts talking but I don't hear anything at first. Her lips are moving but I've completely shut her out. "Don't you think so?" I finally hear.

"What?" I ask her, trying to play it cool as I shake my head.

"I said, tonight we relax, and then we train at down. It'll be the start of the rest of your life. How does that sound? We'll go down to the arena and see the sun rise as we turn you into the greatest warrior alive." She picks up her fork and starts ingesting her salmon. I don't judge her though. I envy her for taking the first bite.

"That sounds good." I tell her, taking a sup of my mead. The flavors hit me all at once but it's like my tongue wants to curl up into a ball and cry. Just as soon as I accidentally open my throat to swallow, it catches fire and I can't help but have a coughing fit. Trying to clear my throat, I'm blinded as my eyes snap shut. I'm sure I'm going to cough up a lung at any second. I flail my arms in the air. She does her best to look for anything that can help. My mind is racing but her eyes catch on a horned mug filled with a liquid. Taking it, I down the liquid down my throat not even caring if it's anything but water, just as long as it's not mead.

After what seems like forever, the coughing has subsided for the most part and I'm left with heaving panting. My throat feels like there's a sharp blade readying its tip to insert itself. I feel a bunch of gratitude towards Kida for trying, but maybe she shouldn't have. . . "Are you alright?" She asks me after some time. I nod my head but the heavy panting is still going to last for the next thirty to forty minutes. "I'm hoping we can just forget what just happened. "Not a big fan of mead?