Nine Shillings

False Apologies

London - 1842

I took up residence on the usual bench near The Serpentine, given Elizabeth's past appearance there it was perhaps unwise, but it was neutral territory. Going to Freyja's house would mean crossing to the other side, not the best idea as I'd threatened her.

I needed to see Freyja about my memory void, she was the only person I knew who might have any idea how the murderer did it. The fellas stayed at home without arguing. Freyja had shown she was willing to use her magic against them and I was the only one immune to it; unless she decided to try set me on fire, an entirely different magical problem.

I'd been sitting there for thirty minutes before she dropped down on the seat beside me.

'I hope you're going to apologise,' she said.

I kept my gaze fixed on the river. 'It's not me who needs to apologise.'

'It's not my fault if Sefikins likes to play peekaboo,' she said.

'Would he have strode in and made himself at home if it hadn't been for you?' I asked.

She wafted her hand leaving a trail of cigarette smoke. 'Details.'

'Details are important.'

'Perhaps...' she said, examining the end of her cigarette. 'There is one important detail.' She leaned toward me. 'You need to know about Fae magic and you'll be hard pushed to find a better source than me.'

'So you think you can be an arse.'

She shrugged and sat back as if I should be impressed. 'I am a trickster.'

'All the more reason to protect Bran and Josef from you. If I have to sacrifice a useful source of information, I'll figure out the answers myself.'

She tapped ash off her cigarette sharply. 'You haven't asked what the adventure is.'

'Not interested.'

'You don't want to know where you get your abilities from?' she asked.

I sighed. Freyja was an excellent liar and she had phrased the question very carefully, she hadn't said the adventure was to find out where my abilities came from, only asked if I wanted to know. It didn't matter one way or another.

She frowned at me as if enough frowning would let her read my mind. 'To know your real family –'

'I'll be going home to my real family when we're done,' I said. 'You owe us, so tell me how an energy draining murderer could sneak up on me without sound or smell, and leave a void in my memory.'

'A vortex.'

I blinked.

'Not a literal vortex,' she said as if there was nothing surprising about her simply answering me. 'You did a small version when you lost control of your magic. Whether by control or accident they've thrown the door so wide they're sucking in everything.' She looked up at the grey winter sky. 'That's not good.'

'They must have some control or they'd be doing it all the time. People would notice.'

'I find humans to be remarkably unobservant.' She flexed her jaw thoughtfully. 'Even humans tend to notice people dropping dead around a person. This is actually quite serious.'

'Are you going to help then?'

She sniffed. 'I wouldn't go that far. There's no spell I can do for you, they'll drain all the magic away.'

I gave her my best mother stare. 'The Fae cast off changelings because they don't consider them Fae enough. This is as much your problem as ours, more so.'

Her lips compressed.

'You're digging yourself deeper and deeper into the shit hole and I don't think that's where you want to be,' I said.

She snorted. 'You think I want to be friends with a little baby vampire who can't even get her husband's dick hard.'

I held her gaze.

She fidgeted, puffed her cigarette then sighed a cloud of smoke. 'I can't help.'

I didn't look away.

'I love this world but I'm not of it, Little Red, and I have lived the span of many, many mortal lives. It takes a lot of magic to keep me alive and it's harder for me to draw magic on this side.'

'The first time I met you, you were throwing magic around like children with snow. That was earth side.'

She smiled. 'Was it now?'

'I...' The first time I went to Freyja's house I stepped across to the other side without noticing, it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility I could have done it before.

'Every moment I'm here I'm dying.' She stubbed her cigarette out on the bench. 'If your murderer is what they appear they could kill me and get an incredible amount of power easily.' She flicked the cigarette away. 'Not all things in this world are what they appear, even to you, that's what makes it so interesting.' She looked out across The Serpentine. 'So, now you know my secret. What are you going to do with it?'

'As long as you do no harm to my family, I'll keep it.'

She leaned toward me. 'You know one of the last Morag is vulnerable and you won't use it to your advantage?'

'Sadly, keeping you alive is to my advantage,' I said. 'Currently.'

'You're an interesting one, Little Red. The further you go from human, the closer you get to "humanity".' She snorted. 'It will be the undoing of you.'

'Then I'll be undone trying to do better.'

When I looked back on who I'd been alone, I could see how rage had been creeping through me smothering everything else. I was still full of rage, but I was so much more than rage.

She sat back. 'I'll be interested to see how long it lasts.' She inhaled deeply. 'The problem with loving is it always ends and grief is very close to rage.'

My lips twitched. 'I'm aware, unless someone kills me, I'll outlive my children.'

'Knowing it and feeling it are two different things.' She checked the watch that hung around her neck. 'My time is almost up.' She clicked it shut and got to her feet. 'Try not to die.'

'Likewise.'

'You care,' she said.

'I was being polite.'

She walked off, laughing, and I had to wonder if she'd given me a proper apology. I suspected she had.