Noelle | ongoing

Chapter 19

[NOELLE]

I gave in, Hero told me how he really felt and I gave in. It felt good to...kiss him. I never really had a real boyfriend, as my life has been too complicated to even care about one. Now I'm not a virgin, but I have only been intimate with one person in that way.

I regret that and always will, after we did it he blocked me on like...everything.

"Noelle?" Hero says.

I lift my head up, "Huh?"

"Did you not hear me say your name like 5 times?"

"Oh um...no I didn't, sorry."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah just thinking," I stood up, "You think you could take me home? I have to practice tomorrow."

"Yeah of course."

***
Avery and I are practicing our duet for the charity event, well the tryout part for it. I have 2 routines to learn. This is actually the first time we started to practice the duet, my solo routine is almost finished I just have to perfect it.

My phone begins to ring.

"Hold on Ave," she stops the music and I pick up my phone. My Mom is calling...

"Hello?" I say.

"Good Morning Elle, um," she clears her throat. "Are you busy today?"

"Uh yeah, kinda. Avery and I are practicing our duet."

"Do you think you'll be done before twelve pm? I'd like to have you over for brunch."

She knows I don't like brunch...classic Adora Sinclair.

"Sure Mom, I'll let you know."

We hang up the phone, and Avery and I continue to practice.

***
I meet my mom for brunch at her house, it's just a bit past eleven am. She hasn't come out to the backyard yet so I'm just patiently waiting...as patient as I can be.

A few minutes pass by and she comes out, a personal chef just behind her with so much food. My hand begins to slightly tremble at the sight of all the food. Does she know? Is she doing this on purpose?

"Hi hun," she places a slight kiss on my forehead. I smile at her. Trying to hide the fact that I'm feeling overwhelmed.

"You can leave the food cart here Larry, and thank you of course."

"No problem," Larry says, he then walks back inside.

I watch my Mom as she grabs a few pieces of waffles and places it on mine and her plate. I haven't eaten a waffle in a long while. I try to forget calories as I used to have most of them memorized. Most things I forgot, but waffles depend on how they're made.

Our old personal chef in Seattle, her waffles were specifically 262 calories per serving which was one. I used to sit and ask about all the ingredients so I could add them up.

This chef I know nothing about, waffles are definitely a fear food cause unless you make them with a specific recipe or get them from a grocery store, I have no clue...nevermind.

"So Noelle, I heard you haven't been to group in a while."

I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants, "Oh...who told you that?"

"Kathy, the group instructor. I called her to ask how you were doing there and she said you haven't been. So is everything ok?"

Why is she doing this? I'm eating just fine, but when I'm around her I feel judged...like I'm not perfect. My Mom has always eaten healthy and worked out maintaining what she would call a perfect weight.

Anytime I touch food around her I hear that horrible voice in my head telling me that she thinks I'm disgusting for the way I'm eating. I don't know if I can do this, I haven't had bad thoughts since before we went to the frat party. Please...I need to get away from her right now, I cannot relapse. I'm doing so well.

"Everything's fine, but I just remembered that uhm...my contact have been in too long so I have to go take them out, i'll see you later."

I speed walk to the car before she can say something to me, that was a horrible horrible horrible excuse. The fuck 'my contacts been in too long' seriously Noelle?

I take a deep breath before pulling out of my parents driveway. It's been a while since I called my therapist Tiara back in Seattle. After that I think I need to, I can't keep counting on Avery to pull me out of my bad thoughts.

As soon as I get home I text Tiara.

ME: Hey it's been a while, I was wondering if we could call later today?

TIARA: Sure Elle, how's 2:30 sound?

ME: Good

She likes my message.

Avery comes out of the bedroom to me sitting on the kitchen counter.

"Hey you're back, how was brunch?"

"It was ok, nothing I couldn't handle."

She squints at me, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah..."

"Then why are you back so early?"

"Uh my Mom forgot she had a work meeting." Finally a better excuse.

"Hmm I feel like you're lying," she knows me too well. "But I'll let it slide because if you are, I know you'll tell me when you're ready."

"Thanks Avery."