In-Between The Lines

Chapter 7

People are oblivious to the fact that our life is full of repeating cycles. The fact that we can't escape the circle means we grow used to it. Because our brains are so used to repetition, anything that's a break from routine is unusual. It stands out our minds and we remember each detail of it simply because, well, it was different. Another thing about human routine is that it's so malleable. If one thing changes, we have the ability to incorporate it into our entire routine which makes our entire routine change. Even if it's something small, like having an outcast boy sit with you one morning, just by choice.

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I ran home after visiting the cemetery, about a week after Nathaniel decided to accompany me very morning. Each morning, I was surprised that he was still there waiting for me so he could talk about so many things and I could quietly listen. I was taught from a very young age that things don't last, so each day I was expecting him to leave, but each day he was there with a different book in his hands and his eyes glued to the paper.

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After a particularly tiring day, I was walking away from the clearing after writing to my father. It was a windy day, and the carved pumpkins sitting on each step reminded me that Halloween was around the corner. I walked inside, took off my shoes, and was greeted by my mother in the living room, hastily putting something away. I looked at the box, curious what she was trying to hide, before I saw in Sharpie letters on the side: Family Photo Album, 2004. My mother turned around wiping something off her face and my heart sunk: she had been crying. Without a word I walked over to her and held onto her tight.

" I'm sorry," she said, her voice unsteady. Then she looked down.

"You know what it feels like to lose someone you love," she said looking down at me.

I immediately recoiled. No..... not here, not now, she couldn't bring this up now, I had almost forgotten. She saw my panicked and sickened face and her eyes grew wide.

" I only meant about losing your father, not about losing-"

My mother tried to reassure me but I ran out before she could say his name. I ran and ran as fast as I could out of the front door and onto the street. My mother didn't follow me, but I didn't expect her to. My bare feet slapped the bumpy asphalt. I sat down on the hard pavement and it was only then I let the tears fall.

Do you know the crying where it's completely silent? Your shoulders shake, and you gasp for air, but you make no sounds. It's the worst kind of crying, because it shows that you can't even make sounds to show how hurt you really are. I couldn't move. All I could do was sit in the middle of a paved road lit by yellowing streetlights, where no one could hear me cry. I cried for my mom, I cried for my dad, and I cried for him.

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When I walked into school this morning, I looked around to see if Nathan was sitting at our bench. He was, but I immediately noticed that he wasn't reading a book. He looked worried, and he seemed as if he was thinking hard. I walked over quietly, careful not to disturb his train of thought.

When I sat down he looked at me, and his arm moved forward slightly as if to grab my wrist. He seemed to think better of it, though, and moved it back.

"Cassidy, why were you crying?"

I froze, and the world seemed to spin. How? How had he seen me?

He looked at me, his eyes demanding, and said, "I've lived on your street my whole life, and even I look out the window. It's not hard to see someone if they're crying under a bright streetlight in the middle of the street. "

I looked down and shook my head. I didn't want to think about anything that had happened yesterday. He sighed.

"Won't you at least say something?" He sighed. Looking at me for a few moments, he seemed to accept that I wouldn't be talking.

"Never mind. Did you hear about that new movie with Chris Pratt? I still remember when he was on Parks and Recreation"

He tactfully changed the subject and I was grateful and slightly curious. I wondered why he seemed to care so much about my life. We settled back into our routine, and when the bell rang, we went our separate ways. I wasn't sure what had happened, but I had a feeling this wouldn't be the last time it came up.

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