Why do i feel like this.? ~Tokomaru~

What now?

Nobodys POV:

Both girls were ready to go back to the apartment and take it easy for the rest of the night. They got a ride home from Asahina and made it into the front door. As soon as they walked in it was silent.

Toko's POV:

"Umm.. I'm gonna go lay down in my bed. Can we talk in there for a minute?" Komaru said quietly. My heart started racing as soon as I heard her speak.

What was she going to say to me? Did I have bad breath? Was I a bad kisser? Is she mad at me? What if she wants to stop being friends with m- "M-Mhm." Fuck.

We both go upstairs and into her bedroom and sit down on the bed. "What did you w-wanna talk to me about, K-Komaru.?" I ask nervously.
She looks at me with some sort of facial expresion.. I can't tell what it is.

"What do you think of me? Do you like me or- or like like me? I'm confused."

"Well, w-what do you think about m-me?! Do you have like- like a crush on me or do you want a r-re-relationship with me?!" My voice raises slightly. I fidget with my fingers. Slower, then turning faster.

"I- I mean.. I've liked y-you for a long time, Komaru. Ever since I met y-you I've.. I've felt loved. Like I matter." My stuttering stops as I speak my mind.

"Ever since we got closer, I slowly lost my love for.. Byakuya. I don't know if that's because of you but.. I think it is.  He never showed me any love or care like you do, I feel safe and human. I've been having dreams and fantasys about you."

"I've heard that you can't love someone unless you love yourself first.  I think that's bullshit. I've never loved myself. But you, I love you. I forgot what hating myself felt like."

Komaru looks at me with a smile and slight tears in her eyes. She grabs my hands and holds them tight. I suddenly hug her, wanting to take back everything I said. It was sappy.

"I love you too, Toko. You deserve someone better than, Byakuya. I'm gonna be honest with you, he never loved you. You need to find a person that truley loves you. And I want to be that one. You don't have to love yourself, but you shouldn't hate yourself either."

She rubs my back gently and sits me on her lap.

"I want to be your girlfriend. I want to look out for you and treat you better than anyone ever could. You've done so much for me that I want to do something for you. You've taught me to stop running and just fight. And right now, I'm not going to run and keep my feelings down. I'm going to fight and tell you exactly how I feel."

My stutter comes back and my breathing becomes slightly wonky. "Y-You mean it.?? Y- You want to be with a-a filthy, disgusting, worthless g-girl like me?"

"Now I wouldn't say you're all that. But I do wan't to be with you. Now calm down, take some deep breaths."

I take a few deep breaths just as she said and I collect myself. Happiness fills my mind and my body, causing me to kiss her quickly. She kisses back with a slight chuckle and gently pushes me away.

"Down girl, down!" Her chuckle turns into a giggle as I try to peck all over her rosey red cheeks. "You usually never get so touchy with me, are you this excited?" She asks.

"Well obviously!" I continue to try and peck at her face. Soon, she gives up and lets me kiss her all over. I suddenly snap out of my happiness and groan.

"F-Fuck! I forgot about Syo. How should we.. you- you um. Tell her??" My mind floods with thoughts about how Syo would react. Excited, angry, shocked, confused, grossed out?!

"We'll figure something out. Now, I think it's time for this girl to get some shut eye. Did you wanna sleep in here tonight?" Komaru asks. I shake my head no. "One m-more night in my bed, then we can work something o-out." I say.

"Goodnight, Toko."

"Goodnight, Maru."

I run into my bedroom and scream into my pillow with so many emotions, kicking my feet in the process before falling asleep...

thinking about her.