𝔚𝔞𝔯 𝔬𝔣 ℌ𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔰 // 𝔍𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔓𝔬𝔱𝔱𝔢𝔯

EIGHT || Entry of Truth

Estella

December 10th, 1974,
Dear diary, I fancy James Potter. I tried to deny my feelings for a few months, but those warm hazel eyes and his kind smile, his skills on the quidditch field, the way his hair is always messy and never seems to be tamed...something about him draws me in like a magnetic force that I cannot seem to pull away from. Thoughts of this body consume my mind more often than not, they devour my mind and I can't stop them from intruding, I don't want to stop them, I want nothing more than to day dream of him all day...actually, I want more than dreaming of him.
I want him. I can't help but fancy him, I try not to every day, I can't help but want him, even though we hardly ever speak. I want to talk to Vanya about this, or my sisters, but none of them would approve, I have no one to understand me. Andromeda might understand, but I can't risk it. And it's not like I love him or anything, but the very thought of him brings a rosy dusting to my cheeks, and when I see him my heart skips multiple beats, when he smiles my way I melt. James Potter is silently, effortlessly, pulling me closer and closer to him...
I've never felt this way about anyone before, no one has ever made me quite so pathetic, some nights I can't stop thinking of him so I sort of get him off my mind by sizzling him away with the potion I use, there are more marks now and they aren't fading, but I can't stop, it's like an addiction, and every time I think of talking to Potter I use it to stop myself. He makes me want to write a song about how I feel, but I know I can't live my dreams out because our families' long-lasting feud. We don't speak often, but I don't know what I'd do without him.
He's made me completely mad for him with so little effort, and I hate him for it...

but he's so hard to hate.

~
 December 11th, 1974

"You can't stay for Christmas, Stella," Bellatrix scolds me,

"I am. I have tons of studying to do, and I'm not feeling up to posh and boring dinners this year." I tell her, still poring over my transfiguration textbook.

"You can study at home, but you're not staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. Don't make me owl mum and dad."

"Why are being a bitch?" she looks offended to this, "Can you blame me for wanting to avoid there as much as possible after this summer?"

"I don't understand why you're so bent about this. You know what side our family is on, and you will do good to join us."

"'us'?...meaning you've..." she pulls up the left sleeve of her shirt, staring deep into my eyes. "You didn't..."

"I did." she pulls her sleeve back down and say seriously, "And you will too."

"No I won't!" I nearly shout, filling my dorm with the echo of my voice. "I won't go against you guys but I won't join forces with the dark lord."

"Mattheo will, he's his son and he will join us as well. Rodolphus has joined, his sister will too."

"Just because my friends are joining doesn't mean I am."

"You're taking the same path Sirius is, you know where that will get you."

"Actually I don't. But I know it'll be better than living like you!"

"How dare you talk to me like that!"

"I'll talk to you however I want to if it makes you fuck off!"

"Fine." She gives in, still looking dangerously infuriated. "I'll be owling father tonight, telling him you wish to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas."

I nod once.

"But don't expect to be invited home for summer, or ever again for that matter." she turns on her heal and leaves my dorm.