Me Myself & Regret

paradise lost

And there, out in the darkness

A fugitive running.

Fallen from God.

There is nothing.

I actually lied; there is something of value here.

It might not be the sort of value that can guarantee my prolonged existence or assist me in unraveling the mysteries of the universe- 

But it's the sort of value that can manage to make me care a little less about those things as our time runs out.

Look back at the garden of Eden, and see the burden of original sin.

Lucifer orchestrated the fall of man, and turned his back on her "light."

We have free will-

We can sin.

If we are created in the image of god and; we - as us being human- are imperfect creatures.

Does that mean the god we forsake, too is an imperfect being.

Lucifer rebelled as he thought he could be better- or equal to God.

The truest betrayal known to man.

So with that in mind, would it be better just to wait here?

My stomach twists itself in knots as I do my best to fight off what i believe at first to be a wave of nausea but discern moments later as just a sinking feeling in my gut.

A feeling telling me to go along with this plan despite its flaws and the fact it could very well backfirea nd cause both of us to lose ourselves forever.

A feeling that i should be discarding in favor of her safety so that I can ensure at least you do not have to repeat a life that has brought nothing but pain and perpetual longing.

But a feeling I can't discard because it is impossible for me to prioritize the feelings of others over my own.

And it's only fitting that i would risk it all once more in an attempt to move one step closer to the embrace of someone who should only be admired from afar.

While waiting a familiar thought crosses my mind.

Why does everything have to hurt so much?

On my way down the stairs and into the street;

I bite off a large chunk of my nail.

A great deal of my skin comes along with it.

And while I roll it across my teeth and press it against the sharpest bit of it with my tongue, I am reminded once more of why everything has to hurt so much.

It is not because we want it to.

It is because we deserve it.

All of the bad things in this world are not unfortunate coincidences nor byproducts of the timelines we find ourselves in.

They are the divine retribution of comedic false gods who only exist during times in which we're forced to call upon them to solve problems we simply can not.

But those calls are met with laughter.

And that laughter not only pierces the innermost sections of our ears, but drills holes into our skulls so wide and so malformed that we can't help but focus on them for far longer than we should.

Focusing makes it harder.

Not just to live and breathe and walk...but to think and hear and see

If it were not for these comedies and the entertainment of anthropomorphized xoana who take on life only when looked at, things would be far too simple.