To My Father ;

The Eye of The Storm

December 2019

I had wrote this because a close friend of mine at the time encouraged me to write what I was feeling. I had just lost my brother to a car accident back in October 2019, and around November was my fourth attempt of suicide. I did not succeed and realized that the most courageous act I could ever do was to survive. To lean on God even during the time I wanted to die. It was such a dark time in my life but although it was so dark my faith was beginning to rise up. I did not know where I was going nor where God was taking me... but I knew... He was taking me somewhere. 

I named this after my brothers favorite worship song..." The Eye of The Storm." 

          Although there is a storm raging around me. I can hear the thunder roaring. The lighting soaring and feel the rain pouring... what may seem, the most darkest place in my life. There feels a no way out. I am on my knees. I feel stuck and cannot get up. 
However, I am in the most perfect place. 
I close my eyes and feel every drop of rain touch my skin. Every roar of thunder shakes my ears. 
I whisper, " be still my heart."
I shout and scream, "let thy will be done." Over and over.
It is in this very place that you will come down and rescue me.
It is in this very place salvation is found.
I will focus on you. Only you.
I will not move until you rise me up. When you call me forth.
Although there is a storm, something new is stirring up inside me.
So I will feel every moment of this dark place.
Even if I do not understand. I am still in your hands. I trust you Lord. You have my full attention. My life is yours.
Come down like this rain pouring... your goodness overflows me.
Your grace is enough.
Your peace surrounds me.
Your love overtakes me.
I am not alone.
You are here holding me through every step. I will say " Here I am..."
and you will reply,
"my faithful servant. I am here. "