self

12/11/22

You know what are you doing is not good . U know you shouldn't do this . U know it won't do u any good but there u still did it again.

The sharp knife, scissors, blades never looked this good . Never looked this tempting.

You slowly remove your clothes and let the cold metal touch your skin . Your heart is feeling weird. Your stomach is giving you butterfly . You have never felt this .

And boom cold liquid running down your thighs , hands , stomach. You look at it .

Fascinating.

Then it becomes obsession. Every time you can't express yourself you run towards the bathroom take out the sharp objects and pretend like you are making a art work .

Art work of blood .

You come out smile on your face. EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT.

You're smiling and looking happy. Everyone believes it.

One day you realize nobody actually cared or payed attention. They only care when they sees the marks or your attempt of killing yourself.

Then they act like they are sorry and feel bad and cry saying I didn't know you were going through this .

Did they actually never knew or they just didn't payed attention?

All those thoughts you wanna numb them and then you numb yourself and there your feeling of being empty starts .

Each night you choke yourself but can't kill yourself. Each night the grips, the strength of your own hands keeps on getting stronger and stronger.

You look at yourself in the mirror and everyday you see someone so different that you fail to recognize yourself.

You don't want to die you just want to hurt yourself. The blood from your own body makes you feel some type of nostalgia.

You close every door one by one but you see nobody even try to get inside. Your close one they never payed attention to you

Slowly your pulling yourself away but then u realize nobody even noticed that . The person you loved the most is not with you anymore. He person who noticed you is not in front of you . He is long gone .

Why did you live me in this hell ! I was already in hell while you were with me ! And while I was just pulling myself back out you left me ! So selfish! I was never thirsty for blood but you made me love the taste of it ;

A side note : this story is inspired by and the there were none by Agatha Christie. The last climax left a great impact on me so I thought I wanna write something like that .

Anyway if you relate to the story don't worry , things may not be ok but hopefully one day it will be.

Thanks for reading. Please don't pick a fight with your heart and mind both of them struggling the same .